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- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 13
looking with a certain uneasiness at the young man. "No mat-
ter, sir, no matter!" he went on hurriedly and with apparent
composure when both the boys at the counter guflfawed and
even the inkeeper smiled — "No matter, I am not confounded by
the wagging of their heads; for every one knows everything
about it already, and all that is secret is made open. And I ac-
cept itall, not with contempt, but with humility. So be it! So
be it! 'Behold the man!' Excuse me, young man, can you. . . .
No, to put it more strongly and more distnctly; not can you but
dare you, looking upon me, assert that I am not a pig?"
The young man did not answer a word.
"Well," the orator began again stolidly and with even in-
creased dignity, after waiting for the laughter in the room to
subside. "Well, so be it, I am a pig, but she is a lady! I have the
semblance of a beast, but Katerina Ivanovna, my spouse, is a
person of education and an ofiicer's daughter. Granted, granted,
I am a scoundrel, but she is a woman of a noble heart, full of
sentiments, refined by education. And yet . . . oh, if only she
felt for me! Honoured sir, honoured sir, you know every man
ought to have at least one place where people feel for him!! But
Katerina Ivanovna, though she is magnanimous, she is unjust.
. . . And yet, although I realise that when she pulls my hair she
only does it out of pity — for I repeat without- being ashamed,
she pulls my hair, young man," he declared with redoubled dig-
nity, hearing the sniggering again — "but, my God, if she would
but once. . . . But no, no! It's all in vain and it's no use talking!
No use talking! For more than once, my wish did come true and
more than once she has felt for me but . . . such is my fate and
I am a beast by nature!"
"Rather!" assented the innkeeper yawning. Marmeladov
struck his fist resolutely on the table.
"Such is my fate! Do you know, sir, do you know, I have
sold her very stockings for drink? Not her shoes — that would
be more or less in the order of things, but her stockings, her
stockings I have sold for drink! Her mohair shawl I sold for
drink, a present to her long ago, her own property, not mine;
and we live in a cold room and she caught cold this winter and
has begun coughing and spitting blood too. We have three little
children and Katerina Ivanovna is at work from morning till
night; she is scrubbing and cleaning and washing the children.
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