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- 84 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
Perspiration ran down him in drops, his neck was all wet. "My
word, he has been going it!" some one shouted at him when hecame out on the canal bank.
He was only dimly conscious of himself now, and the farther
he went the worse it was. He remembered however, that on
coming out on to the canal bank, he was alarmed at finding
few people there and so being more conspicuous, and he had
thought of turning back. Though he was almost falling from
fatigue, he went a long way round so as to get home from quite
a different direction.
He was not fully conscious when he passed through the gate-
way of his house! he was already on the staircase before he
recollected the axe. And yet he had a very grave problem before
him, to put it back and to escape observation as far as possible
in doing so. He was of course incapable of reflecting that it
might perhaps he far better not to restore the axe at all, but to
drop it later on in somebody's yard. But it all happened fortu-
nately, thedoor of the porter's room was closed but not locked,
so that it seemed most likely that the porter was at home. But
he had so completely lost all power of reflection that he walked
straight to the door and opened it. If the porter had asked him
"What do you want?" he would perhaps have simply handed
him the axe. But again the porter was not at home, and he suc-
ceeded inputing the axe back under the bench and even cover-
ing itwith the chunk of wood as before. He met no one, not a
soul, afterwards on the way to his room; the landlady's door
was shut. When he was in his room, he flung himself on the sofa
just as he was — he did not sleep, but sank into blank forgetful-
ness. If any one had come into his room then, he would have
jumped up at once and screamed. Scraps and shreds of thoughts
were simply swarming in his brain, but he could not catch at-
one, hecould not rest on one, in spite of all his efiForts. . . .
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