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- 70 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
was not only at home in the kitchen, but was occupied there,
taking Unen out of a basket and hanging it on a line. Seeing him,
she left off hanging the clothes, turned to him and stared at him
all the time he was passing. He turned away his eyes, and walked
past as though he noticed nothing. But it was the end of every-
thing; hehad not the axe! He was overwhelmed.
"What made me think," he reflected, as he went under the
gateway. "What made me think that she would be sure not
to be at home at that moment! Why, why, why did I assume
this so certainly?"
He was crushed and even hvuniliated. He could have laughed
at himself in his anger. ... A dull animal rage boiled within
him.
He stood hesitating in the gateway. To go into the street,
to go a walk for appearance sake was revolting; to go back to
his room, even more revolting. "And what a chance I have
lost for ever!" he muttered, standing aimlessly in the gateway,
just opposite the porter's little dark room, which was also open.
Suddenly he started. From the porter's room, two paces away
from him, something shining under the bench to the right
caught his eye. . . . He looked about him — nobody. He ap-
proached theroom on tiptoe, went down two steps into it and
in a faint voice called the porter. "Yes, not at home! Somewhere
near though, in the yard, for the door is wide open." He dashed
to the axe (it was an axe) and pulled it out from under the
bench, where it lay between two chunks of wood; at once
before going out, he made it fast in the noose, he thrust both
hands into his f>ockets and went out of the room; no one had
noticed him! "When reason fails, the devil helps!" he thought
with a strange grin. This chance raised his spirits extraor-
dinarily.
He walked along quietly and sedately, without hurry, to
avoid awakening suspicion. He scarcely looked at the passers-by,
tried to escape looking at their faces at all, and to be as little
noticeable as possible. Suddenly he thought of his hat. "Good
heavens! I had the money the day before yesterday and did not
get a cap to wear instead!" A curse rose from the bottom of hissoul.
Glancing out of the corner of his eye into a shop, he saw by
a clock on the wall that it was ten minutes past seven. He had
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