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- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 51
That's not what I want now. It's really absurd for me to go to
Razumihin. ..."
The question why he was now going to Razumihin agitated
him even more than he was himself aware; he kept uneasily
seeking for some sinister significance in this apparently ordinary
action.
"Could I have expected to set it all straight and to find a way
out by means of Razumihin alone?" he asked himself in per-
plexity.
He pondered and rubbed his forehead, and, strange to say,
after long musing, suddenly, as if it were spontaneously and by
chance, a fantastic thought came into his head.
"Hm ... to Razumihin's," he said all at once, calmly, as
though he had reached a final determination. "I shall go tc
Razumihin's of course, but . . . not now. I shall go to him . . .
on the next day after It, when It will be over and everything
will begin afresh. . . ."
And suddenly he realised what he was thinking.
"After It," he shouted, jumping up from the seat, "but is It
really going to happen? Is it possible it really will happen?"
He left the seat, and went oflf almost at a run; he meant to turn
back, homewards, but the thought of going home suddenly
filled him with intense loathing; in that hole, in that awful little
cupboard of his, all this had for a month past been growing up
in him; and he walked on at random.
His nervous shudder had passed into a fever that made him
feel shivering; in spite of the heat he felt cold. With a kind of
effort he began almost unconsciously, from some inner craving,
to stare at all the objects before him, as though looking for
something to distract his attention; byt he did not succeed, and
kept dropping every moment into brooding. When with a start
he lifted his head again and looked round, he forgot at once
what he had just been thinking about and even where he was
going. In this way he walked right across Vassilyevsky Ostrov,
came out on to the Lesser Neva, crossed the bridge and turned
towards the islands. The greenness and freshness were at first
restful to his weary eyes after the dust of the town and the huge
houses that hemmed him in and weighed upon him. Here there
were no taverns, no stifling closeness, no stench. But soon these
new pleasant sensations passed into morbid irritability. Somc"
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