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- CRIME anU punishment 105
bered that he began laughing a thin, nervous noiseless laugh,
and went on laughing all the time he was crossing the square.
But when he reached the K Boulevard where two days
before he had come upon that girl, his laughter suddenly ceased.
Other ideas crept into his mind. He felt all at once that it would
be loathsome to pass that seat on which after the girl was gone,
he had sat and pondered, and that it would be hateful, too, to
meet that whiskered policeman to whom he had given the
twenty cof>ecks: "Damn him!"
He walked, looking about him angrily and distractedly. All
his ideas now seemed to be circling round some. single point, and
he felt that there really was such a point, and that now, now, he
was left facing that point — and for the first time, indeed, dur-
ing the last two months.
"Damn it all!" he thought suddenly, in a fit of ungovernable
fury. "If it has begun, then it has begiui. Hang the new life!
Good Lord, how stupid it is! . . . And what lies I" told to-day!
How despicably I fawned upon that wretched Ilya Petrovitch!
But that is all folly! What do I care for them all, and my fawn-
ing upon them! It is not that at all! It is not that at all!"
Suddenly he stopped; a new utterly unexpected and exceed-
ingly simple question perplexed and bitterly confounded him.
"If it all has really been done deliberately and not idiotically,
if I really had a certain and definite object, how is it I did not
even glance into the purse and don't know what I had there, for
which I have vmdergone these agonies, and have deliberately
undertaken this base, filthy degrading business? And here I
wanted at once to throw into the water the purse together with
all the things which I had not seen either . . . how's that?"
Yes, that was so, that was all so. Yet he had known it all
before, and it was not a new question for him, even when it was
decided in the night without hesitation and consideration, as
though so it must be, as though it could not possibly be other-
wise. .. . Yes, he had known it all, and understood it all; it
surely had all been settled even yesterday at the moment when
he was bending over the box and pulling the jewel-cases out of
it. . . . Yes, so it was.
"It is because I am very ill," he decided grimly at last, "I have
been worrying and fretting myself, and I don't know what I
am doing. . . . Yesterday and the day before yesterday and all
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