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- 100 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
awful sensation. And what was most agonising — it was more
a sensation than a conception or idea, a direct sensation, the
most agonising of all the sensations he had known in his Ufe.
The head clerk began dictating to him the usual form of
declaration, that he could not pay, that he undertook to do so
at a future date, that he would not leave the town, nor sell his
property, and so on.
"But you can't write, you can hardly hold the pen," observed
the head clerk, looking with curiosity at Raskolnikov. "Are you
iU?""Yes, I am giddy. Go on!"
"That's all. Sign it."
The head clerk took the paper, and turned to attend to others.
Raskolnikov gave back the pen; but instead of getting up
and going away, he put his elbows on the table and pressed his
head in his hands. He felt as if a nail were being driven into his
skull. A strange idea suddenly occurred to him, to get up at once,
to go up to Nikodim Fomitch, and tell him everything that
had happened yesterday, and then to go with him to his lodgings
and to show him the things in the hole in the corner. The im-
pulse was so strong that he got up from his seat to carry it out.
''Hadn't I better think a minute?" flashed through his mind.
*'No, better cast off the burden without thinking." But all at
once he stood still, rooted to the spot. Nikodim Fomitch was
talking eagerly with Ilva Petrovitch, and the words reached
him:
"It's impossible, they'll both be released. To begin with, the
whole story contradicts itself. Why should they have called the
porter, if it had been their doing? To inform against themselves?
Or as a blind? No, that would be too cunning! Besides, Pestrya-
kov, the student, was seen at the gate by both the porters and
a woman as he went in. He was walking with three friends, who
left him only at the gate, and he asked the porters to direct him,
in the presence of the friends. Now, would he have asked his
way if he had been going with such an object? As for Koch, he
spent half an hour at the silversmith's below, before he went
up to the old woman and he left him at exactly a quarter to
eight. Now just consider ..."
"But excuse me, how do you explain this contradiction? They
state themselves that they knocked and the door was locked; yet
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