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- 192 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
afraid a little time ago that he would go mad . . . that's why he
mustn't be irritated."
"What do you say?" cried the mother.
"Did the doctor really say that?" asked Avdotya Romanovna,alarmed.
"Yes, but it's not so, not a bit of it. He gave him some medi-
cine, apowder, I saw it, and then your coming here. . . . Ah! It
would have been better if you had come to-morrow. It's a good
thing we went away. And in an hour Zossimov himself will re-
port to you about everything. He is not drunk! And I shan't be
drunk . . . And what made me get so tight? Because they got
me into an argument, damn them! I've sworn never to argue!
They talk such trash! I almost came to blows! I've left my uncle
to preside. Would you believe, they insist on complete absence
of individualism and that's just what they relish! Not to be
themselves, to be as unlike themselves as they can. That's what
they regard as the highest point of progress. If only their non-
sense were their own, but as it is . . ."
"Listen!" Pulcheria Alexandrovna interrupted timidly, but it
only added fuel to the flames.
"What do you think?" shouted Razumihin, louder than ever,
"you think I am attacking them for talking nonsense? Not a
bit! I like them to talk nonsense. That's man's one privilege
over all creation. Through error you come to the truth! I am
a man because I err! You never reach any truth without making
fourteen mistakes and very likely a hundred and fourteen. And
a fine thing, too, in its way; but we can't even make mistakes on
our own account! Talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense,
and I'll kiss you for it. To go wrong in one's own way is better
than to go right in some one else's. In the first case you are a
man, in the second you're no better than a bird. Truth won't
escape you, but life can be cramped. There have been examples.
And what are we doing now? In science, development, thought,
invention, ideals, aims, liberalism, judgment, experience and
everything, everything, everything, we are still in the prepara-
tory class at school. We prefer to live on other people's ideas, it's
what we are used to! Am I right, am I right?" cried Razumihin,
pressing and shaking the two ladies' hands.
"Oh, mercy, I do not know," cried poor Pulcheria Alex-
androvna.
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