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- 220 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
"I like that sort," said Dounia.
"So it is not a present from her fiance," thought Razumihin,
end was unreasonably delighted.
"I thought it was Luzhin's present," observed Raskolnikov.
"No, he has not made Dounia any presents yet."
"A-ah! And do you remember, mother, I was in love and
wanted to get married?" he said suddenly, looking at his mother,
who was disconcerted by the sudden change of subject and the
way he spoke of it.
"Oh, yes, my dear."
Pulcheria Alexandrovna exchanged glances with Dounia and
Razumihin.
"H'm, yes. What shall I tell you? I don't remember much
indeed. She was such a sickly girl," he went on, growing dreamy
and looking down again. "Quite an invalid. She was fond of
giving alms to the poor, and was always dreaming of a nunnery,
and once she burst into tears when she began talking to me
about it. Yes, yes, I remember. I remember very well. She was
an ugly little thing. I really don't know what drew me to her
then — I think it was because she was always ill. If she had been
lame or hvmchback, I believe I should have liked her better still,"
he smiled dreamily. "Yes, it was a sort of spring delirium."
"No, it was not only spring delirium," said Dounia, with
w^arm feeling.
He fixed a strained intent look on his sister, but did not hear
or did not understand her words. Then, completely lost in
thought, he got up, went up to his mother, kissed her, went back
to his place and sat down.
"You love her even now?" said Pulcheria Alexandrovna,
touched.
"Her? Now? Oh, yes. . . . You ask about her? No . . . that's
all now as it were, in another world . . . and so long ago. And
indeed everything happening here seems somehow far away."
He looked attentively at them. "You now ... I seem to be
looking at you from a thousand miles away . . . but, goodness
knows why we are talking of that! And what's the use of asking
about it," he added with annoyance, and biting his nails, he fell
into dreamy silence again.
"What a wretched lodging you iiave, Rodya! It's like a
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