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- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 293
admire him and only him. How many scenes, how many amor-
ous episodes he had imagined on this seductive and playful
theme, when his work was over! And, behold, the dream of so
many years was all but realised; the beauty and education of
Avdotya Romano vna had impressed him; her helpless position
had been a great allurement; in her he had found even more
than he dreamed of. Here was a girl of pride, character, virtue,
of education and breeding superior to his own (he felt that),
and this creature would be slavishly grateful all her lite for his
heroic condescension, and would humble herself in che dust
before him, and he would have absolute, unbounded power
over her! . . . Not long before, he had, too, after long reflection
and hesitation, made an important change in his career and was
now entering on a wider circle of business. With this change
his cherished dreams of rising into a higher class of society
seemed likely to be realised. . . . He was, in fact, determined to
try his fortune in Petersbiurg. He knew that women could do
a very great deal. The fascination of a charming, virtuoias,
highly educated woman might make his way easier, might do
wonders in attracting people to him, throwing an aureole round
him, and now everything was in ruins! This sudden horrible
rupture affected him like a clap of thunder; it was like a hid-
eous joke, an absurdity. He had only been a tiny bit masterful,
had not even time to speak out, had simply made a joke, been
carried away — and it had ended so seriously. And, of course, too,
he did love Dounia in his own way; he already possessed her in
his dreams — and all at once! No! The next day, the very next
day, it must all be set right, smoothed over, settled. Above all he
must crush that conceited milksop who was the cause of it all.
With a sick feeling he could not help recalling Razumihin too,
but, he soon reassured himself on that score; as though a fellow
like that could be put on a level with him! The man he really
dreaded in earnest was Svidrigailov. . . . He had, in short, a grea
deal to attend to. . . . '
"No, I, I am more to blame than any one!" said Dounia, kissi
ing and embracing her mother. "I was tempted by his money,
but on my honour, brother, I had no idea he was such a base man.
If I had seen through him before, nothing would have tempted
me! Don't blame me, brother!"
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