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- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 449
being utterly annihilated and prostrate before her purity. I flat-
tered her shamelessly, and as soon as I succeeded in getting a
pressure of the hand, even a glance from her, I would reproach
myself for having snatched it by force, and would declare that
she had resisted, so that I could never have gained anything but
for my being so unprincipled. I maintained that she was so
innocent that she could not foresee my treachery, and yielded to
me unconsciously, unawares, and so on. In fact, I triumphed,
while mylady remained firmly convinced that she was innocent^
chaste, and faithful to all her duties and obligations and had
succumbed quite by accident. And how angry she was with m«
when I explained to her at last that it was my sincere convic-
tion that she was just as eager as I. Poor Marfa Petrovna was
awfully weak on the side of flattery, and if I had only cared to,
I might have had all her property settled on me during her life-
time. (Iam drinking an awful lot of wine now and talking
too much. ) I hope you won't be angry if I mention now that I
was beginning to produce the same effect on Avdotya Roman-
ovna. But I was stupid and impatient and spoiled it all. Avdotya
Romanovna had several times — and one time in particular —
been greatly displeased by the expression of my eyes, would you
beheve it? There was sometimes a light in them which fright-
ened her and grew stronger and stronger and more unguarded till
it was hateful to her. No need to go into detail, but we parted.
There I acted stupidly again. I fell to jeering in the coarsest
way at all such propaganda and efforts to convert me; Parasha
came on to the scene again, and not she alone; in fact there
was a tremendous to-do. Ah, Rodion Romanovitch, if you could
only see how your sister's eyes can flash sometimes! Never mind
my being drunk at this moment and having had a whole glass
of wine. I am speaking the truth. I assure you that this glance
has haunted my dreams; the very rustle of her dress was more
than I could stand at last. I really began to think that I might
become epileptic. I could never have believed that I could be
moved to such a frenzy. It was essential, indeed, to be recon-
ciled, but by then it was impossible. And imagine what I did
then! To what a pitch of stupidity a man can be brought by
frenzy! Never undertake anything in a frenzy, Rodion Roman-
ovitch. Ireflected that Avdotya Romanovna was after all a
beggar (ach, excuse me, that's not the word . . . but does it
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