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- 402 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
"Dounia!" Raskolnikov stopped her and went towards her.
"That Razumihin, Dmitri Prokofitch, is a very good fellow."
Dounia flushed slightly.
"Well?" she asked, waiting a moment.
"He is competent, hardworking, honest and capable of real
love. . . . Good-bye, Dounia."
Dounia flushed crimson, then suddenly she took alarm.
"But what does it mean, brother? Are we really parting for
ever that you . . . give me such a parting message?"
"Never mind. . . . Good-bye."
He turned away, and walked to the window. She stood a
moment, looked at him uneasily, and went out troubled.
No, he was not cold to her. There was an instant (the very
last one) when he had longed to take her in his arms and say
good-bye to her, and even to tell her, but he had not dared even
to touch her hand.
"Afterwards she may shudder when she remembers that I em-
braced her, and will feel that I stole her kiss."
"And would she stand that test?" he went on a few minutes
later to himself. "No, she wouldn't; girls like that can't stand
things! They never do."
And he thought of Sonia.
/ There was a breath of fresh air from the window. The day-
light was fading. He took up his cap and went out.
He could not, of course, and would not consider how ill he
was. But all this continual anxiety and agony of mind could not
but affect him. And if he were not lying in high fever it was
perhaps just because this continual inner strain helped to keep
him on his legs and in possession of his faculties. But this arti-
ficial excitement could not last long.
He wandered aimlessly. The sun was setting. A special form
of misery had begun to oppress him of late. There was nothing
poignant, nothing acute about it; but there was a feeling of
permanence, of eternity about it; it brought a foretaste of hope-
less years of this cold leaden misery, a foretaste of an eternity
"on a square yard of space." Towards evening this sensation
usually began to weigh on him more heavily.
"With this idiotic, purely physical weakness, depending on
the sunset or something, one can't help doing something stupid!
You'll go to Dounia, as well as to Sonia," he muttered bitterly.
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