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- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 397
to themrThat's only a phantom. . . . They destroy men by
millions themselves and look on it as a virtue. They are knaves
and scoundrels, Sonia! I am not going to them. And what should
I say to them — that I murdered her, but did not dare to take
the money and hid it under a stone?" he added with a bitter
smile. "Why, they would laugh at me, and would call me a fool
for not getting it. A coward and a fool! They wouldn't under-
stand and they don't deserve to understand. Why should I go to
them? I won't. Don't be a child, Sonia. . . ."
"It will be too much for you to bear, too much!" she re-
peated, holding out her hands in despairing supplication.
"Perhaps I've been unfair to myself," he observed gloomily,
pondering, "perhaps after all I am a man and not a louse and
I've been in too great a hurry to condemn myself. I'll make
another fight for it."
A haughty smile appeared on his lips.
"What a burden to bear! And your whole life, your whole
life!"
"I shall get used to it," he said grimly and thoughtfully.
"Listen," he began a minute later, "stop crying, it's time to
talk of the facts: I've come to tell you that the police are after
me, on my track. . . ."
"Ach!" Sonia cried in terror.
"Well, why do you cry out? You want me to go to Siberia
and now you are frightened? But let me tell you: I shall not
give myself up. I shall make a struggle for it and they won't
do anything to me. They've no real evidence. Yesterday I was
in great danger and believed I was lost; but to-day things are
going better. All the facts they know can be explained two
ways, that's to say I can turn their accusations to my credit, do
you understand? And I shall, for I've learnt my lesson. But they
will certainly arrest me. If it had not been for something that
happened, they would have done so to-day for certain; per-
haps even now they will arrest me to-day. . . . But that's no
matter, Sonia; they'll let me out again . . . for there isn't any real
proof against me, and there won't be, I give you my word for
it. And they can't convict a man on what they have against me.
Enough. ... I only tell you that you may know. ... I will try
to manage somehow to put it to my mother and sister so that
they won't be frightened. . . . My sister's future is secur«, how-
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