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- 492 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
see nothing but the unwhitewashed blank wall of the next
house. At last when she began to feel sure of his death — he
walked into the room.
She gave a cry of joy, but looking carefully into his face she
turned pale.
"Yes," said Raskolnikov, smiling. "I have come for yotu"
cross, Sonia. It was you told me to go to the cross roads; why
is it you are frightened now it's come to that?"
Sonia gazed at him astonished. His tone seemed strange to her;
a cold shiver ran over her, but in a moment she guessed that
the tone and the words were a mask. He spoke to her looking
away, as though to avoid meeting her eyes.
"You see, Sonia, I've decided that it will be better so. There
is one fact. . . . But it's a long story and there's no need to dis-
cxiss it. But do you know what angers me? It annoys me that
all those stupid brutish faces will be gaping at me directly, pes-
tering me with their stupid questions, which I shall have to an-
swer— they'll point their fingers at me. . . . Tfoo! You know I
am not going to Porfiry, I am sick of him. I'd rather go to my
friend, the Explosive Lieutenant; how I shall surprise him, what
a sensation I shall make! But I must be cooler; I've become too
irritable of late. You know I was nearly shaking my fist at my
sister just now, because she turned to take a last look at me. It's
a brutal state to be in! Ah! what am I coming to! Well, where
are the crosses?"
He seemed hardly to know what he was doing. He could not
stay still or concentrate his attention on anything; his ideas
seemed to gallop after one another, he talked incoherently, his
hands trembled slightly.
Without a word Sonia took out of the drawer two crosses,
one of cypress wood and one of copper. She made the sign of the
cross over herself and over him, and put the wooden cross on
his neck.
"It's the symbol of my taking up the cross," he laughed.
"As though I had not suffered much till now! The wooden
cross, that is the peasant one; the copper one, that is Lizaveta's
— you will wear yourself, show me! So she had it on ... at
that moment? I remember two things like these too, a silver
one and a little ikon. I threw them back on the old woman's
neck. Those would be appropriate now, really, those are what I
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