- cid
- bafkreiaid5jpcof4wwpgpecwqhu22grsjehpb3yx4mfyqb56mara7ha2me
- content_type
- image/jpeg
- filename
- crimepunishment00dostiala_page_0497.jpg
- key
- pdf-page-1768923071996-5lqn985rp1h
- page_number
- 497
- pdf_type
- born_digital
- size
- 207023
- text
- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 489
fails.) By that stupidity I only wanted to put myself into an in-
dependent position, to take the first step, to obtain means, anc
then everything would have been smoothed over by benefits im-
measurable incomparison. . . . But I ... I couldn't carry out
even the first step, because I am contemptible, that's what's the
matter! And yet I won't look at it as you do. If I had succeeded
I should have been crowned with glory, but now I'm trapped."
"But that's not so, not so! Brother, what are you saying?"
"Ah, it's not picturesque, not a:sthetically attractive! I fail
to understand why bombarding people by regular siege is more
honourable. The fear of appearances is the first symptom of
impotence. I've never, never recognised this more clearly than
now, and I am farther than ever from seeing that what I did
was a crime. I've never, never been stronger and more convinced
than now."
The colour had rushed into his pale exhausted face, but as he
uttered his last explanation, he happened to meet Dounia's eyes
and he saw such anguish in them that he could not help being
checked. He felt that he had any way made these two poor
women miserable, that he was any way the cause. . . .
"Dounia darling, if I am guilty forgive me (though I cannot
be forgiven if I am guilty) . Good-bye! We won't dispute. It's
time, high time to go. Don't follow me, I beseech you, I have
somewhere else to go. . . . But you go at once and sit with mother.
I entreat you to! It's my last request of you. Don't leave her
at all; I left her in a state of anxiety, that she is not fit to bear;
she will die or go out of her mind. Be with her! Razumihin will
be with you. I've been talking to him. . . . Don't cry about
me: I'll try to be honest and manly all my life, even if I am
a murderer. Perhaps I shall some day make a name. I won't
disgrace you, you will see; I'll still show. . . . Now good-bye
for the present," he concluded hurriedly, noticing again a
strange expression in Dounia's eyes at his last words and prom-
ises. "Wliy are you crying? Don't cry, don't cry: we are not
parting for ever! Ah, yes! Wait a minute, I'd forgotten!"
He went to the table, took up a thick dusty book, opened it
and took from between the pages a little water-colour portrait
on ivory. It was the portrait of his landlady's daughter, who had
died of fever, that strange girl who had wanted to be a nun. For
- text_extracted_at
- 2026-01-20T15:31:11.996Z
- text_extracted_by
- pdf-processor
- text_has_content
- true
- text_source
- born_digital
- uploaded
- true