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- 106 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
this time I have been worrying myself. ... I shall get well and
I shall not wqrry. . . . But what if I don't get well at all? Good
God, how sicK I am of it all!"
He walked on without resting. He had a terrible longing for
some distraction, but he did not know what to do, what to at-
tempt. Anew overwhelming sensation was gaining more and
more mastery over him every moment; this was an immeasur-
able, almost physical, repulsion for everything surrounding him,
an obstinate, malignant feeling of hatred. All who met him were
loathsome to him — he loathed their faces, their movements,
their gestures. If any one had addressed him, he felt that he
might have spat at him or bitten him. . . .
He stopped suddenly, on coming out on the bank of the Little
Neva, near the bridge to Vassilyevsky Ostrov. "Why, he lives
here, in that house," he thought, "why, I have not come to
Razumihin of my own accord! Here it's the same thing over
again. . . . Very interesting to know, though; have I come on
purpose or have I simply walked here by chance? Never mind,
I said the day before yesterday that I would go and see him the
day after; well, and so I will! Besides I really cannot go further
now."
He went up to Razumihin's room on the fifth floor.
The latter was at home in his garret, busily writing at the
moment, and he opened the door himself. It was four months
since they had seen each other. Razumihin was sitting in a
ragged dressing-gown, with slippers on his bare feet, unkempt,
unshaven and unwashed. His face showed surprise.
"Is it you?" he cried. He looked his comrade up and down;
then after a brief pause, he whistled. "As hard up as all that!
Why, brother, you've cut me out!" he added, looking at Raskol-
nikov's rags. "Come sit down, you are tired, I'll be bound."
And when he had sunk down on the American leather sofa,
which was in even worse condition than his own, Razumihin
saw at once that his visitor was ill.
"Why, you are seriously ill, do you know that?" He began
feeling his pulse. Raskolnikov pulled away his hand.
"Never mind," he said, "I have come for this: I have no les-
sons. ... I wanted . , . but I don't want lessons. . . ."
"But I say! You are delirious, you know!" Razumihin ob-
served, watching him carefully.
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