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- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 99
I could pay of myself . . . and now, when I have lost my lessons
and have nothing to eat, she takes action against me. What am
I to say to that?"
"All these affecting details are no business of ours," Ilya
Petrovitch interrupted rudely. "You must give a written un-
dertaking, butas for your love affairs and all these tragic events,
we have nothing to do with that."
"Come now . . . you are harsh," muttered Nikodim Fomitch,
sitting down at the table and also beginning to write. He looked
a little ashamed.
"Write!" said the head clerk to Raskolnikov.
"Write what?" the latter asked, gruffly.
"I will dictate to you."
Raskolnikov fancied that the head clerk treated him more
casually and contemptuously after his speech, but strange to
say he suddenly felt completely indifferent to any one's opinion,
and this revulsion took place in a flash, in one instant. If he
had cared to think a little, he would have been amazed indeed
that he could have talked to them like that a minute before,
forcing h's feelings upon them. And where had those feelings
come from? Now if the whole room had been filled, not with
police officers, but with those nearest and dearest to him, he
would not have found one human word for them, so empty was
his heart. A gloomy sensation of agonising, everlasting solitude
and remoteness, took conscious form in his soul. It was not the
meanness of his sentimental effusions before Ilya Petrovitch, nor
the meanness of the latter's triumph over him that had caused
this sudden revulsion in his heart. Oh, what had he to do now
with his own baseness, with all these petty vanities, officers,
German women, debts, police offices? If he had been sentenced
to be burnt at that moment, he would not have stirred, would
hardly have heard the sentence to the end. Something was
happening to him entirely new, sudden and unknown. It was
not that he understood, but he felt clearly with all the intensity
of sensation that he could never more appeal to these people in
the police-office with sentimental effusions like his recent out-
burst, or with anything whatever; and that if they had been his
own brothers and sisters and not police officers, it would have
been utterly out of the question to appeal to them in any cir-
cumstance oflife. He had never experienced such a strange and
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