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- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 493'
ought to put on now. . . . But I am talking nonsense and forget-
ting what matters; I'm somehow forgetful. . . . You see I have
come to warn you, Sonia, so that you might know . . . that's all
ā that's all I came for. But I thought I had more to say. You
wanted me to go yourself. Well, now I am going to prison and
you'll have your wish. "Well, what are you crying for? You too?
Don't. Leave off! Oh, how I hate it all!"
But his feeling was stirred; his heart ached, as he looked at
her. "Why is she grieving too?" he thought to himself. "What
am I to her? Why does she weep? Why is she looking after me,
like my mother or Dounia? She'll be my nurse."
"Cross yourself, say at least one prayer," Sonia begged in atimid broken voice.
"Oh certainly, as much as you like! And sincerely, Sonia,
sincerely. . . ."
But he wanted to say something quite different.
He crossed himself several times. Sonia took up her shawl and
put it over her head. It was the green drap de dames shawl of
which Marmeladov had spoken, "the family shawl." Raskolni-
kov thought of that looking at it, but he did not ask. He began
to feel himself that he was certainly forgetting things and was
disgustingly agitated. He was frightened at this. He was sud-
denly struck too by the thought that Sonia meant to go with
him.
"What are you doing? Where are you going? Stay here, stay!
I'll go alone," he cried in cowardly vexation, and almost re-
sentful, hemoved towards the door. "What's the use of going
in procession!" he muttered going out.
Sonia remained standing in the middle of the room. He had
not even said good-bye to her; he had forgotten her. A poignant
and rebellious doubt surged in his heart.
"Was it right, was it right, all this?" he thought again as he
went down the stairs. "Couldn't he stop and retract it all . . .
and not go?"
But still he went. He felt suddenly once for all that he
mustn't ask himself questions. As he turned into the street he
remembered that he had not said good-bye to Sonia, that he had
left her in the middle of the room in her green shawl, not daring
to stir after he had shouted at her, and he stopped short for a
moment. At the same instant, another thought dawned upon
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