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- 356 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
unpleasantness is of being deceived in a legal marriage, but
it's simply a despicable consequence of a despicable position in
which both are humiliated. When the deception is open, as in a
free marriage, then it does not exist, it's unthinkable. Your wife
will only prove how she respects you by considering you incap-
able ofopposing her happiness and avenging yourself on her for
her new husband. Damn it all! I sometimes dream if I were
to be married, pfoo! I mean if I were to marry, legally or not,
it's just the same, I should present my wife with a lover if she
had not found one for herself. 'My dear,' I should say, 'I love
you, but even more than that I desire you to respect me. See!*
Am I not right?"
Pyotr Petrovitch sniggered as he listened, but without much
merriment. He hardly heard it indeed. He was preoccupied with
something else and even Lebeziatnikov at last noticed it. Pyotr
Petrovitch seemed excited and rubbed his hands. Lebeziatnikov
remembered all this and reflected upon it afterwards.
CHAPTER II
It would be difficult to explain exactly what could have orig-
inated the idea of that senseless dinner in Katerina Ivanovna's
disordered brain. Nearly ten of the twenty roubles, given by
Raskolnikov for Marmeladov's funeral, were wasted upon it.
Possibly Katerina Ivanovna felt obliged to honour the memory
of the deceased "suitably," that all the lodgers, and still more
Amalia Ivanovna, might know "that he was in no way their
inferior, and perhaps very much their superior," and that no one
had the right "to turn up his nose at him." Perhaps the chief
element was that peculiar "poor man's pride," which compels
many poor people to spend their last savings on some traditional
social ceremony, simply in order to do "like other people," and
not to "be looked down upon." It is very probable, too, that
Katerina Ivanovna longed on this occasion, at the moment when
"he seemed to be abandoned by every one, to show those
'wretched contemptible lodgers" that she knew "how to do
things, how to entertain" and that she had been brought up "in
a genteel, she might almost say aristocratic colonel's family"
and had not been meant for sweeping floors and washing the
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