21

Properties

description

# Chapter 21 of *The Catcher in the Rye* ## Overview This entity is a chapter from the novel *The Catcher in the Rye*, identified as Chapter 21. It exists in digital form as a structured text segment, extracted from a larger source file and divided into smaller chunks for processing. The chapter spans lines 3915 to 4350 of the source document and corresponds to pages 85 to 93 of the original print edition. It is part of the [More Classics](arke:01KFXT0KM64XT6K8W52TDEE0YS) collection, which includes canonical literary works. ## Context The chapter is situated within the narrative arc of J.D. Salinger’s 1951 novel, following the protagonist Holden Caulfield after his expulsion from Pencey Prep. It captures a pivotal moment when Holden secretly returns to his family’s apartment in New York City. The text reflects Holden’s internal struggles with alienation, authenticity, and his deep emotional connection to his younger sister, Phoebe. The chapter’s inclusion in the [More Classics](arke:01KFXT0KM64XT6K8W52TDEE0YS) collection underscores its status as a significant piece of American literature, preserved and structured for archival access. ## Contents The chapter details Holden’s stealthy return home and his late-night conversation with his sister Phoebe. He avoids his parents by deceiving a new elevator operator and sneaking into the apartment. Upon finding Phoebe asleep in their brother D.B.’s room, he observes her belongings—her neatly arranged clothes, school notebooks, and a new pair of shoes—revealing her personality and their mother’s care. After waking her, the siblings discuss her school play, a movie she saw, and her friendship with Alice Holmborg. When Phoebe discovers Holden has been expelled again, she reacts with emotional intensity, expressing fear of their father’s anger. Holden attempts to reassure her, mentioning a potential job on a ranch in Colorado. The conversation turns introspective as Holden reflects on his hatred of phoniness at Pencey, recalling specific incidents involving teachers and alumni. Phoebe challenges him to name something he genuinely likes, prompting Holden to express his love for his deceased brother Allie and the act of talking with her. He then reveals his fantasy of being “the catcher in the rye,” a protector of children’s innocence, inspired by a misheard poem by Robert Burns. The chapter ends as Holden prepares to call his former teacher, Mr. Antolini.

description_generated_at

2026-01-27T17:21:40.059Z

description_model

Qwen/Qwen3-235B-A22B-Instruct-2507

description_title

Chapter 21 of *The Catcher in the Rye*

end_line

4350

extracted_at

2026-01-27T17:12:16.509Z

extracted_by

structure-extraction-lambda

source_file

01KFYTG9MG93RTB6YAW34V48XG

start_line

3915

text

3748 21 3749 The best break I had in years, when I got home the regular night elevator boy, 3750 Pete, wasn't on the car. Some new guy I'd never seen was on the car, so I figured that if I 3751 didn't bump smack into my parents and all I'd be able to say hello to old Phoebe and then 3752 beat it and nobody'd even know I'd been around. It was really a terrific break. What made 3753 it even better, the new elevator boy was sort of on the stupid side. I told him, in this very 3754 casual voice, to take me up to the Dicksteins'. The Dicksteins were these people that had 3755 the other apartment on our floor. I'd already taken off my hunting hat, so as not to look 3756 suspicious or anything. I went in the elevator like I was in a terrific hurry. 3757 He had the elevator doors all shut and all, and was all set to take me up, and then 3758 he turned around and said, "They ain't in. They're at a party on the fourteenth floor." 3759 "That's all right," I said. "I'm supposed to wait for them. I'm their nephew." 3760 He gave me this sort of stupid, suspicious look. "You better wait in the lobby, 3761 fella," he said. 3762 "I'd like to--I really would," I said. "But I have a bad leg. I have to hold it in a 3763 certain position. I think I'd better sit down in the chair outside their door." 3764 He didn't know what the hell I was talking about, so all he said was "Oh" and took 3765 me up. Not bad, boy. It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands 3766 and they'll do practically anything you want them to. 3767 I got off at our floor--limping like a bastard--and started walking over toward the 3768 Dicksteins' side. Then, when I heard the elevator doors shut, I turned around and went <!-- [Page 85](arke:01KFYTAC8VQN3RRKC0SKNJEDZQ) --> 3769 over to our side. I was doing all right. I didn't even feel drunk anymore. Then I took out 3770 my door key and opened our door, quiet as hell. Then, very, very carefully and all, I went 3771 inside and closed the door. I really should've been a crook. 3772 It was dark as hell in the foyer, naturally, and naturally I couldn't turn on any 3773 lights. I had to be careful not to bump into anything and make a racket. I certainly knew I 3774 was home, though. Our foyer has a funny smell that doesn't smell like anyplace else. I 3775 don't know what the hell it is. It isn't cauliflower and it isn't perfume--I don't know what 3776 the hell it is--but you always know you're home. I started to take off my coat and hang it 3777 up in the foyer closet, but that closet's full of hangers that rattle like madmen when you 3778 open the door, so I left it on. Then I started walking very, very slowly back toward old 3779 Phoebe's room. I knew the maid wouldn't hear me because she had only one eardrum. She 3780 had this brother that stuck a straw down her ear when she was a kid, she once told me. 3781 She was pretty deaf and all. But my parents, especially my mother, she has ears like a 3782 goddam bloodhound. So I took it very, very easy when I went past their door. I even held 3783 my breath, for God's sake. You can hit my father over the head with a chair and he won't 3784 wake up, but my mother, all you have to do to my mother is cough somewhere in Siberia 3785 and she'll hear you. She's nervous as hell. Half the time she's up all night smoking 3786 cigarettes. 3787 Finally, after about an hour, I got to old Phoebe's room. She wasn't there, though. 3788 I forgot about that. I forgot she always sleeps in D.B.'s room when he's away in 3789 Hollywood or some place. She likes it because it's the biggest room in the house. Also 3790 because it has this big old madman desk in it that D.B. bought off some lady alcoholic in 3791 Philadelphia, and this big, gigantic bed that's about ten miles wide and ten miles long. I 3792 don't know where he bought that bed. Anyway, old Phoebe likes to sleep in D.B.'s room 3793 when he's away, and he lets her. You ought to see her doing her homework or something 3794 at that crazy desk. It's almost as big as the bed. You can hardly see her when she's doing 3795 her homework. That's the kind of stuff she likes, though. She doesn't like her own room 3796 because it's too little, she says. She says she likes to spread out. That kills me. What's old 3797 Phoebe got to spread out? Nothing. 3798 Anyway, I went into D.B.'s room quiet as hell, and turned on the lamp on the 3799 desk. Old Phoebe didn't even wake up. When the light was on and all, I sort of looked at 3800 her for a while. She was laying there asleep, with her face sort of on the side of the 3801 pillow. She had her mouth way open. It's funny. You take adults, they look lousy when 3802 they're asleep and they have their mouths way open, but kids don't. Kids look all right. 3803 They can even have spit all over the pillow and they still look all right. 3804 I went around the room, very quiet and all, looking at stuff for a while. I felt 3805 swell, for a change. I didn't even feel like I was getting pneumonia or anything any more. 3806 I just felt good, for a change. Old Phoebe's clothes were on this chair right next to the 3807 bed. She's very neat, for a child. I mean she doesn't just throw her stuff around, like some 3808 kids. She's no slob. She had the jacket to this tan suit my mother bought her in Canada 3809 hung up on the back of the chair. Then her blouse and stuff were on the seat. Her shoes 3810 and socks were on the floor, right underneath the chair, right next to each other. I never 3811 saw the shoes before. They were new. They were these dark brown loafers, sort of like 3812 this pair I have, and they went swell with that suit my mother bought her in Canada. My 3813 mother dresses her nice. She really does. My mother has terrific taste in some things. 3814 She's no good at buying ice skates or anything like that, but clothes, she's perfect. I mean <!-- [Page 86](arke:01KFYTAC7V6A51G770QNWC6ES1) --> 3815 Phoebe always has some dress on that can kill you. You take most little kids, even if their 3816 parents are wealthy and all, they usually have some terrible dress on. I wish you could see 3817 old Phoebe in that suit my mother bought her in Canada. I'm not kidding. 3818 I sat down on old D.B.'s desk and looked at the stuff on it. It was mostly Phoebe's 3819 stuff, from school and all. Mostly books. The one on top was called Arithmetic Is Fun! I 3820 sort of opened the first page and took a look at it. This is what old Phoebe had on it: 3821 PHOEBE WEATHERFIELD CAULFIELD 3822 4B-1 3823 That killed me. Her middle name is Josephine, for God's sake, not Weatherfield. 3824 She doesn't like it, though. Every time I see her she's got a new middle name for herself. 3825 The book underneath the arithmetic was a geography, and the book under the 3826 geography was a speller. She's very good in spelling. She's very good in all her subjects, 3827 but she's best in spelling. Then, under the speller, there were a bunch of notebooks. She 3828 has about five thousand notebooks. You never saw a kid with so many notebooks. I 3829 opened the one on top and looked at the first page. It had on it: 3830 Bernice meet me at recess I have something 3831 very very important to tell you. 3832 That was all there was on that page. The next one had on it: 3833 Why has south eastern Alaska so many caning factories? 3834 Because theres so much salmon 3835 Why has it valuable forests? 3836 because it has the right climate. 3837 What has our government done to make 3838 life easier for the alaskan eskimos? 3839 look it up for tomorrow!!! 3840 Phoebe Weatherfield Caulfield 3841 Phoebe Weatherfield Caulfield 3842 Phoebe Weatherfield Caulfield 3843 Phoebe W. Caulfield 3844 Phoebe Weatherfield Caulfield, Esq. 3845 Please pass to Shirley!!!! 3846 Shirley you said you were sagitarius 3847 but your only taurus bring your skates 3848 when you come over to my house 3849 I sat there on D.B.'s desk and read the whole notebook. It didn't take me long, and 3850 I can read that kind of stuff, some kid's notebook, Phoebe's or anybody's, all day and all 3851 night long. Kid's notebooks kill me. Then I lit another cigarette--it was my last one. I 3852 must've smoked about three cartons that day. Then, finally, I woke her up. I mean I 3853 couldn't sit there on that desk for the rest of my life, and besides, I was afraid my parents <!-- [Page 87](arke:01KFYTAC5J0ASA2QQN47S6DNB9) --> 3854 might barge in on me all of a sudden and I wanted to at least say hello to her before they 3855 did. So I woke her up. 3856 She wakes up very easily. I mean you don't have to yell at her or anything. All 3857 you have to do, practically, is sit down on the bed and say, "Wake up, Phoeb," and bingo, 3858 she's awake. 3859 "Holden!" she said right away. She put her arms around my neck and all. She's 3860 very affectionate. I mean she's quite affectionate, for a child. Sometimes she's even too 3861 affectionate. I sort of gave her a kiss, and she said, "Whenja get home7' She was glad as 3862 hell to see me. You could tell. 3863 "Not so loud. Just now. How are ya anyway?" 3864 "I'm fine. Did you get my letter? I wrote you a five-page--" 3865 "Yeah--not so loud. Thanks." 3866 She wrote me this letter. I didn't get a chance to answer it, though. It was all about 3867 this play she was in in school. She told me not to make any dates or anything for Friday 3868 so that I could come see it. 3869 "How's the play?" I asked her. "What'd you say the name of it was?" 3870 "'A Christmas Pageant for Americans.' It stinks, but I'm Benedict Arnold. I have 3871 practically the biggest part," she said. Boy, was she wide-awake. She gets very excited 3872 when she tells you that stuff. "It starts out when I'm dying. This ghost comes in on 3873 Christmas Eve and asks me if I'm ashamed and everything. You know. For betraying my 3874 country and everything. Are you coming to it?" She was sitting way the hell up in the bed 3875 and all. "That's what I wrote you about. Are you?" 3876 "Sure I'm coming. Certainly I'm coming." 3877 "Daddy can't come. He has to fly to California," she said. Boy, was she wide- 3878 awake. It only takes her about two seconds to get wide-awake. She was sitting--sort of 3879 kneeling--way up in bed, and she was holding my goddam hand. "Listen. Mother said 3880 you'd be home Wednesday," she said. "She said Wednesday." 3881 "I got out early. Not so loud. You'll wake everybody up." 3882 "What time is it? They won't be home till very late, Mother said. They went to a 3883 party in Norwalk, Connecticut," old Phoebe said. "Guess what I did this afternoon! What 3884 movie I saw. Guess!" 3885 "I don't know--Listen. Didn't they say what time they'd--" 3886 "The Doctor," old Phoebe said. "It's a special movie they had at the Lister 3887 Foundation. Just this one day they had it--today was the only day. It was all about this 3888 doctor in Kentucky and everything that sticks a blanket over this child's face that's a 3889 cripple and can't walk. Then they send him to jail and everything. It was excellent." 3890 "Listen a second. Didn't they say what time they'd--" 3891 "He feels sorry for it, the doctor. That's why he sticks this blanket over her face 3892 and everything and makes her suffocate. Then they make him go to jail for life 3893 imprisonment, but this child that he stuck the blanket over its head comes to visit him all 3894 the time and thanks him for what he did. He was a mercy killer. Only, he knows he 3895 deserves to go to jail because a doctor isn't supposed to take things away from God. This 3896 girl in my class's mother took us. Alice Holmborg, She's my best friend. She's the only 3897 girl in the whole--" 3898 "Wait a second, willya?" I said. "I'm asking you a question. Did they say what 3899 time they'd be back, or didn't they?" <!-- [Page 88](arke:01KFYTAC98T78YBAN3QPWZ71RQ) --> 3900 "No, but not till very late. Daddy took the car and everything so they wouldn't 3901 have to worry about trains. We have a radio in it now! Except that Mother said nobody 3902 can play it when the car's in traffic." 3903 I began to relax, sort of. I mean I finally quit worrying about whether they'd catch 3904 me home or not. I figured the hell with it. If they did, they did. 3905 You should've seen old Phoebe. She had on these blue pajamas with red elephants 3906 on the collars. Elephants knock her out. 3907 "So it was a good picture, huh?" I said. 3908 "Swell, except Alice had a cold, and her mother kept asking her all the time if she 3909 felt grippy. Right in the middle of the picture. Always in the middle of something 3910 important, her mother'd lean all over me and everything and ask Alice if she felt grippy. 3911 It got on my nerves." 3912 Then I told her about the record. "Listen, I bought you a record," I told her. "Only 3913 I broke it on the way home." I took the pieces out of my coat pocket and showed her. "I 3914 was plastered," I said. 3915 "Gimme the pieces," she said. "I'm saving them." She took them right out of my 3916 hand and then she put them in the drawer of the night table. She kills me. 3917 "D.B. coming home for Christmas?" I asked her. 3918 "He may and he may not, Mother said. It all depends. He may have to stay in 3919 Hollywood and write a picture about Annapolis." 3920 "Annapolis, for God's sake!" 3921 "It's a love story and everything. Guess who's going to be in it! What movie star. 3922 Guess!" 3923 "I'm not interested. Annapolis, for God's sake. What's D.B. know about 3924 Annapolis, for God's sake? What's that got to do with the kind of stories he writes?" I 3925 said. Boy, that stuff drives me crazy. That goddam Hollywood. "What'd you do to your 3926 arm?" I asked her. I noticed she had this big hunk of adhesive tape on her elbow. The 3927 reason I noticed it, her pajamas didn't have any sleeves. 3928 "This boy, Curtis Weintraub, that's in my class, pushed me while I was going 3929 down the stairs in the park," she said. "Wanna see?" She started taking the crazy adhesive 3930 tape off her arm. 3931 "Leave it alone. Why'd he push you down the stairs?" 3932 "I don't know. I think he hates me," old Phoebe said. "This other girl and me, 3933 Selma Atterbury, put ink and stuff all over his windbreaker." 3934 "That isn't nice. What are you--a child, for God's sake?" 3935 "No, but every time I'm in the park, he follows me everywhere. He's always 3936 following me. He gets on my nerves." 3937 "He probably likes you. That's no reason to put ink all--" 3938 "I don't want him to like me," she said. Then she started looking at me funny. 3939 "Holden," she said, "how come you're not home Wednesday?" 3940 "What?" 3941 Boy, you have to watch her every minute. If you don't think she's smart, you're 3942 mad. 3943 "How come you're not home Wednesday?" she asked me. "You didn't get kicked 3944 out or anything, did you?" 3945 "I told you. They let us out early. They let the whole--" <!-- [Page 89](arke:01KFYTACAE6N3CF0JWHA0GXDB9) --> 3946 "You did get kicked out! You did!" old Phoebe said. Then she hit me on the leg 3947 with her fist. She gets very fisty when she feels like it. "You did! Oh, Holden!" She had 3948 her hand on her mouth and all. She gets very emotional, I swear to God. 3949 "Who said I got kicked out? Nobody said I--" 3950 "You did. You did," she said. Then she smacked me again with her fist. If you 3951 don't think that hurts, you're crazy. "Daddy'll kill you!" she said. Then she flopped on her 3952 stomach on the bed and put the goddam pillow over her head. She does that quite 3953 frequently. She's a true madman sometimes. 3954 "Cut it out, now," I said. "Nobody's gonna kill me. Nobody's gonna even--C'mon, 3955 Phoeb, take that goddam thing off your head. Nobody's gonna kill me." 3956 She wouldn't take it off, though. You can't make her do something if she doesn't 3957 want to. All she kept saying was, "Daddy s gonna kill you." You could hardly understand 3958 her with that goddam pillow over her head. 3959 "Nobody's gonna kill me. Use your head. In the first place, I'm going away. What 3960 I may do, I may get a job on a ranch or something for a while. I know this guy whose 3961 grandfather's got a ranch in Colorado. I may get a job out there," I said. "I'll keep in touch 3962 with you and all when I'm gone, if I go. C'mon. Take that off your head. C'mon, hey, 3963 Phoeb. Please. Please, willya?' 3964 She wouldn t take it off, though I tried pulling it off, but she's strong as hell. You 3965 get tired fighting with her. Boy, if she wants to keep a pillow over her head, she keeps it. 3966 "Phoebe, please. C'mon outa there," I kept saying. "C'mon, hey . . . Hey, Weatherfield. 3967 C'mon out." 3968 She wouldn't come out, though. You can't even reason with her sometimes. 3969 Finally, I got up and went out in the living room and got some cigarettes out of the box 3970 on the table and stuck some in my pocket. I was all out. 3971 22 3972 When I came back, she had the pillow off her head all right--I knew she would-- 3973 but she still wouldn't look at me, even though she was laying on her back and all. When I 3974 came around the side of the bed and sat down again, she turned her crazy face the other 3975 way. She was ostracizing the hell out of me. Just like the fencing team at Pencey when I 3976 left all the goddam foils on the subway. 3977 "How's old Hazel Weatherfield?" I said. "You write any new stories about her? I 3978 got that one you sent me right in my suitcase. It's down at the station. It's very good." 3979 "Daddy'll kill you." 3980 Boy, she really gets something on her mind when she gets something on her mind. 3981 "No, he won't. The worst he'll do, he'll give me hell again, and then he'll send me 3982 to that goddam military school. That's all he'll do to me. And in the first place, I won't 3983 even be around. I'll be away. I'll be--I'll probably be in Colorado on this ranch." 3984 "Don't make me laugh. You can't even ride a horse." 3985 "Who can't? Sure I can. Certainly I can. They can teach you in about two 3986 minutes," I said. "Stop picking at that." She was picking at that adhesive tape on her arm. 3987 "Who gave you that haircut?" I asked her. I just noticed what a stupid haircut somebody 3988 gave her. It was way too short. <!-- [Page 90](arke:01KFYTAC6THHPQ6FNJYSSRXX73) --> 3989 "None of your business," she said. She can be very snotty sometimes. She can be 3990 quite snotty. "I suppose you failed in every single subject again," she said--very snotty. It 3991 was sort of funny, too, in a way. She sounds like a goddam schoolteacher sometimes, and 3992 she's only a little child. 3993 "No, I didn't," I said. "I passed English." Then, just for the hell of it, I gave her a 3994 pinch on the behind. It was sticking way out in the breeze, the way she was laying on her 3995 side. She has hardly any behind. I didn't do it hard, but she tried to hit my hand anyway, 3996 but she missed. 3997 Then all of a sudden, she said, "Oh, why did you do it?" She meant why did I get 3998 the ax again. It made me sort of sad, the way she said it. 3999 "Oh, God, Phoebe, don't ask me. I'm sick of everybody asking me that," I said. "A 4000 million reasons why. It was one of the worst schools I ever went to. It was full of 4001 phonies. And mean guys. You never saw so many mean guys in your life. For instance, if 4002 you were having a bull session in somebody's room, and somebody wanted to come in, 4003 nobody'd let them in if they were some dopey, pimply guy. Everybody was always 4004 locking their door when somebody wanted to come in. And they had this goddam secret 4005 fraternity that I was too yellow not to join. There was this one pimply, boring guy, Robert 4006 Ackley, that wanted to get in. He kept trying to join, and they wouldn't let him. Just 4007 because he was boring and pimply. I don't even feel like talking about it. It was a stinking 4008 school. Take my word." 4009 Old Phoebe didn't say anything, but she was listen ing. I could tell by the back of 4010 her neck that she was listening. She always listens when you tell her something. And the 4011 funny part is she knows, half the time, what the hell you're talking about. She really does. 4012 I kept talking about old Pencey. I sort of felt like it. 4013 "Even the couple of nice teachers on the faculty, they were phonies, too," I said. 4014 "There was this one old guy, Mr. Spencer. His wife was always giving you hot chocolate 4015 and all that stuff, and they were really pretty nice. But you should've seen him when the 4016 headmaster, old Thurmer, came in the history class and sat down in the back of the room. 4017 He was always coming in and sitting down in the back of the room for about a half an 4018 hour. He was supposed to be incognito or something. After a while, he'd be sitting back 4019 there and then he'd start interrupting what old Spencer was saying to crack a lot of corny 4020 jokes. Old Spencer'd practically kill himself chuckling and smiling and all, like as if 4021 Thurmer was a goddam prince or something." 4022 "Don't swear so much." 4023 "It would've made you puke, I swear it would," I said. "Then, on Veterans' Day. 4024 They have this day, Veterans' Day, that all the jerks that graduated from Pencey around 4025 1776 come back and walk all over the place, with their wives and children and 4026 everybody. You should've seen this one old guy that was about fifty. What he did was, he 4027 came in our room and knocked on the door and asked us if we'd mind if he used the 4028 bathroom. The bathroom was at the end of the corridor--I don't know why the hell he 4029 asked us. You know what he said? He said he wanted to see if his initials were still in one 4030 of the can doors. What he did, he carved his goddam stupid sad old initials in one of the 4031 can doors about ninety years ago, and he wanted to see if they were still there. So my 4032 roommate and I walked him down to the bathroom and all, and we had to stand there 4033 while he looked for his initials in all the can doors. He kept talking to us the whole time, 4034 telling us how when he was at Pencey they were the happiest days of his life, and giving <!-- [Page 91](arke:01KFYTAC8RNCEC899TYS4HSWWN) --> 4035 us a lot of advice for the future and all. Boy, did he depress me! I don't mean he was a 4036 bad guy--he wasn't. But you don't have to be a bad guy to depress somebody--you can be 4037 a good guy and do it. All you have to do to depress somebody is give them a lot of phony 4038 advice while you're looking for your initials in some can door--that's all you have to do. I 4039 don't know. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't been all out of breath. He 4040 was all out of breath from just climbing up the stairs, and the whole time he was looking 4041 for his initials he kept breathing hard, with his nostrils all funny and sad, while he kept 4042 telling Stradlater and I to get all we could out of Pencey. God, Phoebe! I can't explain. I 4043 just didn't like anything that was happening at Pencey. I can't explain." 4044 Old Phoebe said something then, but I couldn't hear her. She had the side of her 4045 mouth right smack on the pillow, and I couldn't hear her. 4046 "What?" I said. "Take your mouth away. I can't hear you with your mouth that 4047 way." 4048 "You don't like anything that's happening." 4049 It made me even more depressed when she said that. 4050 "Yes I do. Yes I do. Sure I do. Don't say that. Why the hell do you say that?" 4051 "Because you don't. You don't like any schools. You don't like a million things. 4052 You don't." 4053 "I do! That's where you're wrong--that's exactly where you're wrong! Why the 4054 hell do you have to say that?" I said. Boy, was she depressing me. 4055 "Because you don't," she said. "Name one thing." 4056 "One thing? One thing I like?" I said. "Okay." 4057 The trouble was, I couldn't concentrate too hot. Sometimes it's hard to 4058 concentrate. 4059 "One thing I like a lot you mean?" I asked her. 4060 She didn't answer me, though. She was in a cockeyed position way the hell over 4061 the other side of the bed. She was about a thousand miles away. "C'mon answer me," I 4062 said. "One thing I like a lot, or one thing I just like?" 4063 "You like a lot." 4064 "All right," I said. But the trouble was, I couldn't concentrate. About all I could 4065 think of were those two nuns that went around collecting dough in those beatup old straw 4066 baskets. Especially the one with the glasses with those iron rims. And this boy I knew at 4067 Elkton Hills. There was this one boy at Elkton Hills, named James Castle, that wouldn't 4068 take back something he said about this very conceited boy, Phil Stabile. James Castle 4069 called him a very conceited guy, and one of Stabile's lousy friends went and squealed on 4070 him to Stabile. So Stabile, with about six other dirty bastards, went down to James 4071 Castle's room and went in and locked the goddam door and tried to make him take back 4072 what he said, but he wouldn't do it. So they started in on him. I won't even tell you what 4073 they did to him--it's too repulsive--but he still wouldn't take it back, old James Castle. 4074 And you should've seen him. He was a skinny little weak-looking guy, with wrists about 4075 as big as pencils. Finally, what he did, instead of taking back what he said, he jumped out 4076 the window. I was in the shower and all, and even I could hear him land outside. But I 4077 just thought something fell out the window, a radio or a desk or something, not a boy or 4078 anything. Then I heard everybody running through the corridor and down the stairs, so I 4079 put on my bathrobe and I ran downstairs too, and there was old James Castle laying right 4080 on the stone steps and all. He was dead, and his teeth, and blood, were all over the place, <!-- [Page 92](arke:01KFYTACC76Z6MCH5E7ZFSFA2K) --> 4081 and nobody would even go near him. He had on this turtleneck sweater I'd lent him. All 4082 they did with the guys that were in the room with him was expel them. They didn't even 4083 go to jail. 4084 That was about all I could think of, though. Those two nuns I saw at breakfast and 4085 this boy James Castle I knew at Elkton Hills. The funny part is, I hardly even know 4086 James Castle, if you want to know the truth. He was one of these very quiet guys. He was 4087 in my math class, but he was way over on the other side of the room, and he hardly ever 4088 got up to recite or go to the blackboard or anything. Some guys in school hardly ever get 4089 up to recite or go to the blackboard. I think the only time I ever even had a conversation 4090 with him was that time he asked me if he could borrow this turtleneck sweater I had. I 4091 damn near dropped dead when he asked me, I was so surprised and all. I remember I was 4092 brushing my teeth, in the can, when he asked me. He said his cousin was coming in to 4093 take him for a drive and all. I didn't even know he knew I had a turtleneck sweater. All I 4094 knew about him was that his name was always right ahead of me at roll call. Cabel, R., 4095 Cabel, W., Castle, Caulfield--I can still remember it. If you want to know the truth, I 4096 almost didn't lend him my sweater. Just because I didn't know him too well. 4097 "What?" I said to old Phoebe. She said something to me, but I didn't hear her. 4098 "You can't even think of one thing." 4099 "Yes, I can. Yes, I can." 4100 "Well, do it, then." 4101 "I like Allie," I said. "And I like doing what I'm doing right now. Sitting here with 4102 you, and talking, and thinking about stuff, and--" 4103 "Allie's dead--You always say that! If somebody's dead and everything, and in 4104 Heaven, then it isn't really--" 4105 "I know he's dead! Don't you think I know that? I can still like him, though, can't 4106 I? Just because somebody's dead, you don't just stop liking them, for God's sake-- 4107 especially if they were about a thousand times nicer than the people you know that're 4108 alive and all." 4109 Old Phoebe didn't say anything. When she can't think of anything to say, she 4110 doesn't say a goddam word. 4111 "Anyway, I like it now," I said. "I mean right now. Sitting here with you and just 4112 chewing the fat and horsing--" 4113 "That isn't anything really!" 4114 "It is so something really! Certainly it is! Why the hell isn't it? People never think 4115 anything is anything really. I'm getting goddam sick of it," 4116 "Stop swearing. All right, name something else. Name something you'd like to be. 4117 Like a scientist. Or a lawyer or something." 4118 "I couldn't be a scientist. I'm no good in science." 4119 "Well, a lawyer--like Daddy and all." 4120 "Lawyers are all right, I guess--but it doesn't appeal to me," I said. "I mean they're 4121 all right if they go around saving innocent guys' lives all the time, and like that, but you 4122 don't do that kind of stuff if you're a lawyer. All you do is make a lot of dough and play 4123 golf and play bridge and buy cars and drink Martinis and look like a hot-shot. And 4124 besides. Even if you did go around saving guys' lives and all, how would you know if you 4125 did it because you really wanted to save guys' lives, or because you did it because what 4126 you really wanted to do was be a terrific lawyer, with everybody slapping you on the <!-- [Page 93](arke:01KFYTAC7NQYANKHD1G9HWV0TX) --> 4127 back and congratulating you in court when the goddam trial was over, the reporters and 4128 everybody, the way it is in the dirty movies? How would you know you weren't being a 4129 phony? The trouble is, you wouldn't." 4130 I'm not too sure old Phoebe knew what the hell I was talking about. I mean she's 4131 only a little child and all. But she was listening, at least. If somebody at least listens, it's 4132 not too bad. 4133 "Daddy's going to kill you. He's going to kill you," she said. 4134 I wasn't listening, though. I was thinking about something else--something crazy. 4135 "You know what I'd like to be?" I said. "You know what I'd like to be? I mean if I had my 4136 goddam choice?" 4137 "What? Stop swearing." 4138 "You know that song 'If a body catch a body comin' through the rye'? I'd like--" 4139 "It's 'If a body meet a body coming through the rye'!" old Phoebe said. "It's a 4140 poem. By Robert Burns." 4141 "I know it's a poem by Robert Burns." 4142 She was right, though. It is "If a body meet a body coming through the rye." I 4143 didn't know it then, though. 4144 "I thought it was 'If a body catch a body,'" I said. "Anyway, I keep picturing all 4145 these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little 4146 kids, and nobody's around--nobody big, I mean--except me. And I'm standing on the edge 4147 of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over 4148 the cliff--I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come 4149 out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the 4150 rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's 4151 crazy." 4152 Old Phoebe didn't say anything for a long time. Then, when she said something, 4153 all she said was, "Daddy's going to kill you." 4154 "I don't give a damn if he does," I said. I got up from the bed then, because what I 4155 wanted to do, I wanted to phone up this guy that was my English teacher at Elkton Hills, 4156 Mr. Antolini. He lived in New York now. He quit Elkton Hills. He took this job teaching 4157 English at N.Y.U. "I have to make a phone call," I told Phoebe. "I'll be right back. Don't 4158 go to sleep." I didn't want her to go to sleep while I was in the living room. I knew she 4159 wouldn't but I said it anyway, just to make sure. 4160 While I was walking toward the door, old Phoebe said, "Holden!" and I turned 4161 around. 4162 She was sitting way up in bed. She looked so pretty. "I'm taking belching lessons 4163 from this girl, Phyllis Margulies," she said. "Listen." 4164 I listened, and I heard something, but it wasn't much. "Good," I said. Then I went 4165 out in the living room and called up this teacher I had, Mr. Antolini.

title

21