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- 2521
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- 2026-01-30T07:57:45.581Z
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- 2467
- text
- measure. But then, each other side also is twelve feet long; and the
whole obviously forms a square and twelve times twelve is one hundred
and forty-four. And so, an adequate conception of the magnitude of
this chimney is only to be got at by a sort of process in the higher
mathematics by a method somewhat akin to those whereby the surprising
distances of fixed stars are computed.
It need hardly be said, that the walls of my house are entirely free
from fireplaces. These all congregate in the middle--in the one grand
central chimney, upon all four sides of which are hearths--two tiers of
hearths--so that when, in the various chambers, my family and guests
are warming themselves of a cold winter's night, just before retiring,
then, though at the time they may not be thinking so, all their faces
mutually look towards each other, yea, all their feet point to one
centre; and, when they go to sleep in their beds, they all sleep round
one warm chimney, like so many Iroquois Indians, in the woods, round
their one heap of embers. And just as the Indians' fire serves, not
only to keep them comfortable, but also to keep off wolves, and other
savage monsters, so my chimney, by its obvious smoke at top, keeps off
prowling burglars from the towns--for what burglar or murderer would
dare break into an abode from whose chimney issues such a continual
smoke--betokening that if the inmates are not stirring, at least fires
are, and in case of an alarm, candles may readily be lighted, to say
nothing of muskets.
But stately as is the chimney--yea, grand high altar as it is, right
worthy for the celebration of high mass before the Pope of Rome, and
all his cardinals--yet what is there perfect in this world? Caius
Julius Caesar, had he not been so inordinately great, they say that
Brutus, Cassius, Antony, and the rest, had been greater. My chimney,
were it not so mighty in its magnitude, my chambers had been larger.
How often has my wife ruefully told me, that my chimney, like the
English aristocracy, casts a contracting shade all round it. She avers
that endless domestic inconveniences arise--more particularly from
the chimney's stubborn central locality. The grand objection with her
is, that it stands midway in the place where a fine entrance-hall
ought to be. In truth, there is no hall whatever to the house--nothing
but a sort of square landing-place, as you enter from the wide front
door. A roomy enough landing-place, I admit, but not attaining to the
dignity of a hall. Now, as the front door is precisely in the middle
of the front of the house, inwards it faces the chimney. In fact, the
opposite wall of the landing-place is formed solely by the chimney;
and hence--owing to the gradual tapering of the chimney--is a little
less than twelve feet in width. Climbing the chimney in this part, is
the principal staircase--which, by three abrupt turns, and three minor
landing-places, mounts to the second floor, where, over the front door,
runs a sort of narrow gallery, something less than twelve feet long,
leading to chambers on either hand. This gallery, of course, is railed;
and so, looking down upon the stairs, and all those landing-places
together, with the main one at bottom, resembles not a little a balcony
for musicians, in some jolly old abode, in times Elizabethan. Shall I
tell a weakness? I cherish the cobwebs there, and many a time arrest
Biddy in the act of brushing them with her broom, and have many a
quarrel with my wife and daughters about it.
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