- end_line
- 2821
- extracted_at
- 2026-01-30T07:57:45.581Z
- extracted_by
- structure-extraction-lambda
- start_line
- 2743
- text
- and, with a deeply embarrassed air, requested my daughter to designate
at which of the nine he should find exit. When the mischievous Anna
told me the story, she said it was surprising how unaffected and
matter-of-fact the young gentleman's manner was after his reappearance.
He was more candid than ever, to be sure; having inadvertently
thrust his white kids into an open drawer of Havana sugar, under the
impression, probably, that being what they call "a sweet fellow," his
route might possibly lie in that direction.
Another inconvenience resulting from the chimney is, the bewilderment
of a guest in gaining his chamber, many strange doors lying between
him and it. To direct him by fingerposts would look rather queer; and
just as queer in him to be knocking at every door on his route, like
London's city guest, the king, at Temple-Bar.
Now, of all these things and many, many more, my family continually
complained. At last my wife came out with her sweeping proposition--in
toto to abolish the chimney.
"What!" said I, "abolish the chimney? To take out the backbone of
anything, wife, is a hazardous affair. Spines out of backs, and
chimneys out of houses, are not to be taken like frosted lead pipes
from the ground. Besides," added I, "the chimney is the one grand
permanence of this abode. If undisturbed by innovators, then in future
ages, when all the house shall have crumbled from it, this chimney will
still survive--a Bunker Hill monument. No, no, wife, I can't abolish my
backbone."
So said I then. But who is sure of himself, especially an old man,
with both wife and daughters ever at his elbow and ear? In time, I
was persuaded to think a little better of it; in short, to take the
matter into preliminary consideration. At length it came to pass that a
master-mason--a rough sort of architect--one Mr. Scribe, was summoned
to a conference. I formally introduced him to my chimney. A previous
introduction from my wife had introduced him to myself. He had been
not a little employed by that lady, in preparing plans and estimates
for some of her extensive operations in drainage. Having, with much
ado, exhorted from my spouse the promise that she would leave us to
an unmolested survey, I began by leading Mr. Scribe down to the root
of the matter, in the cellar. Lamp in hand, I descended; for though
up-stairs it was noon, below it was night.
We seemed in the pyramids; and I, with one hand holding my lamp over
head, and with the other pointing out, in the obscurity, the hoar mass
of the chimney, seemed some Arab guide, showing the cobwebbed mausoleum
of the great god Apis.
"This is a most remarkable structure, sir," said the master-mason,
after long contemplating it in silence, "a most remarkable structure,
sir."
"Yes," said I complacently, "every one says so."
"But large as it appears above the roof, I would not have inferred the
magnitude of this foundation, sir," eyeing it critically.
Then taking out his rule, he measured it.
"Twelve feet square; one hundred and forty-four square feet! Sir, this
house would appear to have been built simply for the accommodation of
your chimney."
"Yes, my chimney and me. Tell me candidly, now," I added, "would you
have such a famous chimney abolished?"
"I wouldn't have it in a house of mine, sir, for a gift," was the
reply. "It's a losing affair altogether, sir. Do you know, sir, that
in retaining this chimney, you are losing, not only one hundred and
forty-four square feet of good ground, but likewise a considerable
interest upon a considerable principal?"
"How?"
"Look, sir!" said he, taking a bit of red chalk from his pocket, and
figuring against a whitewashed wall, "twenty times eight is so and so;
then forty-two times thirty-nine is so and so--ain't it, sir? Well, add
those together, and subtract this here, then that makes so and so,"
still chalking away.
- title
- Chunk 9