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- CHAPTER XXXIV.
Of The Isle Of Diranda
In good time the shores of Diranda were in sight. And, introductory to
landing, Braid-Beard proceeded to give us some little account of the
island, and its rulers.
As previously hinted, those very magnificent and illustrious lord
seigniors, the lord seigniors Hello and Piko, who between them divided
Diranda, delighted in all manner of public games, especially warlike
ones; which last were celebrated so frequently, and were so fatal in
their results, that, not-withstanding the multiplicity of nuptials
taking place in the isle, its population remained in equilibrio. But,
strange to relate, this was the very object which the lord seigniors
had in view; the very object they sought to compass, by instituting
their games. Though, for the most part, they wisely kept the secret
locked up.
But to tell how the lord seigniors Hello and Piko came to join hands in
this matter.
Diranda had been amicably divided between them ever since the day they
were crowned; one reigning king in the East, the other in the West. But
King Piko had been long harassed with the thought, that the
unobstructed and indefinite increase of his browsing subjects might
eventually denude of herbage his portion of the island. Posterity,
thought he, is marshaling her generations in squadrons, brigades, and
battalions, and ere long will be down upon my devoted empire. Lo! her
locust cavalry darken the skies; her light-troop pismires cover the
earth. Alas! my son and successor, thou wilt inhale choke-damp for air,
and have not a private corner to say thy prayers.
By a sort of arithmetical progression, the probability, nay, the
certainty of these results, if not in some way averted, was proved to
King Piko; and he was furthermore admonished, that war—war to the haft
with King Hello—was the only cure for so menacing an evil.
But so it was, that King Piko, at peace with King Hello, and well
content with, the tranquillity of the times, little relished the idea
of picking a quarrel with his neighbor, and running its risks, in order
to phlebotomize his redundant population.
“Patience, most illustrious seignior,” said another of his sagacious
Ahithophels, “and haply a pestilence may decimate the people.”
But no pestilence came. And in every direction the young men and
maidens were recklessly rushing into wedlock; and so salubrious the
climate, that the old men stuck to the outside of the turf, and refused
to go under.
At last some Machiavel of a philosopher suggested, that peradventure
the object of war might be answered without going to war; that
peradventure King Hello might be brought to acquiesce in an
arrangement, whereby the men of Diranda might be induced to kill off
one another voluntarily, in a peaceable manner, without troubling their
rulers. And to this end, the games before mentioned were proposed.
“Egad! my wise ones, you have hit it,” cried Piko; “but will Hello say
ay?”
“Try him, most illustrious seignior,” said Machiavel.
So to Hello went embassadors ordinary and extraordinary, and ministers
plenipotentiary and peculiar; and anxiously King Piko awaited their
return.
The mission was crowned with success.
Said King Hello to the ministers, in confidence:—“The very thing, Dons,
the very thing I have wanted. My people are increasing too fast. They
keep up the succession too well. Tell your illustrious master it’s a
bargain. The games! the games! by all means.”
So, throughout the island, by proclamation, they were forthwith
established; succeeding to a charm.
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