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- understand, by unmistakable gestures, that in certain other respects
she was not exactly a “mickonaree.” In short, Ideea was
“A sad good Christian at the heart—A very heathen in the carnal part.”
The explanation terminated in a burst of laughter, in which all three
sisters joined; and for fear of looking silly, the doctor and myself.
As soon as good-breeding would permit, we took leave.
The hypocrisy in matters of religion, so apparent in all Polynesian
converts, is most injudiciously nourished in Tahiti by a zealous and in
many cases, a coercive superintendence over their spiritual well-being.
But it is only manifested with respect to the common people, their
superiors being exempted.
On Sunday mornings, when the prospect is rather small for a full house
in the minor churches, a parcel of fellows are actually sent out with
ratans into the highways and byways as whippers-in of the congregation.
This is a sober fact.
These worthies constitute a religious police; and you always know them
by the great white diapers they wear. On week days they are quite as
busy as on Sundays; to the great terror of the inhabitants, going all
over the island, and spying out the wickedness thereof.
Moreover, they are the collectors of fines—levied generally in grass
mats—for obstinate non-attendance upon divine worship, and other
offences amenable to the ecclesiastical judicature of the missionaries.
Old Bob called these fellows “kannakippers” a corruption, I fancy, of
our word constable.
He bore them a bitter grudge; and one day, drawing near home, and
learning that two of them were just then making a domiciliary visit at
his house, he ran behind a bush; and as they came forth, two green
bread-fruit from a hand unseen took them each between the shoulders.
The sailors in the Calabooza were witnesses to this, as well as several
natives; who, when the intruders were out of sight, applauded Captain
Bob’s spirit in no measured terms; the ladies present vehemently
joining in. Indeed, the kannakippers have no greater enemies than the
latter. And no wonder: the impertinent varlets, popping into their
houses at all hours, are forever prying into their peccadilloes.
Kooloo, who at times was patriotic and pensive, and mourned the evils
under which his country was groaning, frequently inveighed against the
statute which thus authorized an utter stranger to interfere with
domestic arrangements. He himself—quite a ladies’ man—had often been
annoyed thereby. He considered the kannakippers a bore.
Beside their confounded inquisitiveness, they add insult to injury, by
making a point of dining out every day at some hut within the limits of
their jurisdiction. As for the gentleman of the house, his meek
endurance of these things is amazing. But “good easy man,” there is
nothing for him but to be as hospitable as possible.
These gentry are indefatigable. At the dead of night prowling round the
houses, and in the daytime hunting amorous couples in the groves. Yet
in one instance the chase completely baffled them.
It was thus.
Several weeks previous to our arrival at the island, someone’s husband
and another person’s wife, having taken a mutual fancy for each other,
went out for a walk. The alarm was raised, and with hue and cry they
were pursued; but nothing was seen of them again until the lapse of
some ninety days; when we were called out from the Calabooza to behold
a great mob inclosing the lovers, and escorting them for trial to the
village.
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