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- confessions
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- those most knotty volumes, unravelled by me, without aid from human
instruction; seeing I erred so foully, and with such sacrilegious
shamefulness, in the doctrine of piety? Or what hindrance was a far
slower wit to Thy little ones, since they departed not far from Thee,
that in the nest of Thy Church they might securely be fledged, and
nourish the wings of charity, by the food of a sound faith. O Lord our
God, under the shadow of Thy wings let us hope; protect us, and carry
us. Thou wilt carry us both when little, and even to hoar hairs wilt
Thou carry us; for our firmness, when it is Thou, then is it firmness;
but when our own, it is infirmity. Our good ever lives with Thee;
from which when we turn away, we are turned aside. Let us now, O Lord,
return, that we may not be overturned, because with Thee our good lives
without any decay, which good art Thou; nor need we fear, lest there
be no place whither to return, because we fell from it: for through our
absence, our mansion fell not--Thy eternity.
BOOK V
Accept the sacrifice of my confessions from the ministry of my tongue,
which Thou hast formed and stirred up to confess unto Thy name. Heal
Thou all my bones, and let them say, O Lord, who is like unto Thee? For
he who confesses to Thee doth not teach Thee what takes place within
him; seeing a closed heart closes not out Thy eye, nor can man's
hard-heartedness thrust back Thy hand: for Thou dissolvest it at Thy
will in pity or in vengeance, and nothing can hide itself from Thy heat.
But let my soul praise Thee, that it may love Thee; and let it confess
Thy own mercies to Thee, that it may praise Thee. Thy whole creation
ceaseth not, nor is silent in Thy praises; neither the spirit of man
with voice directed unto Thee, nor creation animate or inanimate, by the
voice of those who meditate thereon: that so our souls may from their
weariness arise towards Thee, leaning on those things which Thou hast
created, and passing on to Thyself, who madest them wonderfully; and
there is refreshment and true strength.
Let the restless, the godless, depart and flee from Thee; yet Thou seest
them, and dividest the darkness. And behold, the universe with them is
fair, though they are foul. And how have they injured Thee? or how have
they disgraced Thy government, which, from the heaven to this lowest
earth, is just and perfect? For whither fled they, when they fled from
Thy presence? or where dost not Thou find them? But they fled, that they
might not see Thee seeing them, and, blinded, might stumble against Thee
(because Thou forsakest nothing Thou hast made); that the unjust, I say,
might stumble upon Thee, and justly be hurt; withdrawing themselves from
thy gentleness, and stumbling at Thy uprightness, and falling upon their
own ruggedness. Ignorant, in truth, that Thou art every where, Whom no
place encompasseth! and Thou alone art near, even to those that remove
far from Thee. Let them then be turned, and seek Thee; because not as
they have forsaken their Creator, hast Thou forsaken Thy creation. Let
them be turned and seek Thee; and behold, Thou art there in their heart,
in the heart of those that confess to Thee, and cast themselves upon
Thee, and weep in Thy bosom, after all their rugged ways. Then dost
Thou gently wipe away their tears, and they weep the more, and joy
in weeping; even for that Thou, Lord,--not man of flesh and blood,
but--Thou, Lord, who madest them, re-makest and comfortest them. But
where was I, when I was seeking Thee? And Thou wert before me, but I had
gone away from Thee; nor did I find myself, how much less Thee!
I would lay open before my God that nine-and-twentieth year of mine
age. There had then come to Carthage a certain Bishop of the Manichees,
Faustus by name, a great snare of the Devil, and many were entangled
by him through that lure of his smooth language: which though I did
commend, yet could I separate from the truth of the things which I was
earnest to learn: nor did I so much regard the service of oratory as the
science which this Faustus, so praised among them, set before me to
feed upon. Fame had before bespoken him most knowing in all valuable
learning, and exquisitely skilled in the liberal sciences. And since I
had read and well remembered much of the philosophers, I compared some
things of theirs with those long fables of the Manichees, and found the
former the more probable; even although they could only prevail so far
as to make judgment of this lower world, the Lord of it they could by
no means find out. For Thou art great, O Lord, and hast respect unto the
humble, but the proud Thou beholdest afar off. Nor dost Thou draw near,
but to the contrite in heart, nor art found by the proud, no, not though
by curious skill they could number the stars and the sand, and measure
the starry heavens, and track the courses of the planets.
For with their understanding and wit, which Thou bestowedst on them,
they search out these things; and much have they found out; and
foretold, many years before, eclipses of those luminaries, the sun
and moon,--what day and hour, and how many digits,--nor did their
calculation fail; and it came to pass as they foretold; and they wrote
down the rules they had found out, and these are read at this day, and
out of them do others foretell in what year and month of the year, and
what day of the month, and what hour of the day, and what part of its
light, moon or sun is to be eclipsed, and so it shall be, as it is
foreshowed. At these things men, that know not this art, marvel and are
astonished, and they that know it, exult, and are puffed up; and by
an ungodly pride departing from Thee, and failing of Thy light, they
foresee a failure of the sun's light, which shall be, so long before,
but see not their own, which is. For they search not religiously whence
they have the wit, wherewith they search out this. And finding that Thou
madest them, they give not themselves up to Thee, to preserve what Thou
madest, nor sacrifice to Thee what they have made themselves; nor slay
their own soaring imaginations, as fowls of the air, nor their own
diving curiosities (wherewith, like the fishes of the sea, they wander
over the unknown paths of the abyss), nor their own luxuriousness, as
beasts of the field, that Thou, Lord, a consuming fire, mayest burn up
those dead cares of theirs, and re-create themselves immortally.
But they knew not the way, Thy Word, by Whom Thou madest these things
which they number, and themselves who number, and the sense whereby
they perceive what they number, and the understanding, out of which they
number; or that of Thy wisdom there is no number. But the Only Begotten
is Himself made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification,
and was numbered among us, and paid tribute unto Caesar. They knew not
this way whereby to descend to Him from themselves, and by Him ascend
unto Him. They knew not this way, and deemed themselves exalted amongst
the stars and shining; and behold, they fell upon the earth, and their
foolish heart was darkened. They discourse many things truly concerning
the creature; but Truth, Artificer of the creature, they seek not
piously, and therefore find Him not; or if they find Him, knowing Him
to be God, they glorify Him not as God, neither are thankful, but
become vain in their imaginations, and profess themselves to be wise,
attributing to themselves what is Thine; and thereby with most perverse
blindness, study to impute to Thee what is their own, forging lies of
Thee who art the Truth, and changing the glory of uncorruptible God
into an image made like corruptible man, and to birds, and four-footed
beasts, and creeping things, changing Thy truth into a lie, and
worshipping and serving the creature more than the Creator.
Yet many truths concerning the creature retained I from these men, and
saw the reason thereof