- char_end
- 199866
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- 192060
- chunk_index
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- confessions
- text
- alone with the hatchet in his hand, the noise whereof had startled and
brought them thither. They seize him, hale him away, and gathering the
dwellers in the market-place together, boast of having taken a notorious
thief, and so he was being led away to be taken before the judge.
But thus far was Alypius to be instructed. For forthwith, O Lord, Thou
succouredst his innocency, whereof Thou alone wert witness. For as he
was being led either to prison or to punishment, a certain architect met
them, who had the chief charge of the public buildings. Glad they
were to meet him especially, by whom they were wont to be suspected of
stealing the goods lost out of the market-place, as though to show him at
last by whom these thefts were committed. He, however, had divers times
seen Alypius at a certain senator's house, to whom he often went to pay
his respects; and recognising him immediately, took him aside by the
hand, and enquiring the occasion of so great a calamity, heard the whole
matter, and bade all present, amid much uproar and threats, to go with
him. So they came to the house of the young man who had done the
deed. There, before the door, was a boy so young as to be likely, not
apprehending any harm to his master, to disclose the whole. For he
had attended his master to the market-place. Whom so soon as Alypius
remembered, he told the architect: and he showing the hatchet to the
boy, asked him "Whose that was?" "Ours," quoth he presently: and being
further questioned, he discovered every thing. Thus the crime being
transferred to that house, and the multitude ashamed, which had begun
to insult over Alypius, he who was to be a dispenser of Thy Word, and an
examiner of many causes in Thy Church, went away better experienced and
instructed.
Him then I had found at Rome, and he clave to me by a most strong tie,
and went with me to Milan, both that he might not leave me, and might
practise something of the law he had studied, more to please his parents
than himself. There he had thrice sat as Assessor, with an uncorruptness
much wondered at by others, he wondering at others rather who could
prefer gold to honesty. His character was tried besides, not only with
the bait of covetousness, but with the goad of fear. At Rome he was
Assessor to the count of the Italian Treasury. There was at that time a
very powerful senator, to whose favours many stood indebted, many much
feared. He would needs, by his usual power, have a thing allowed him
which by the laws was unallowed. Alypius resisted it: a bribe was
promised; with all his heart he scorned it: threats were held out; he
trampled upon them: all wondering at so unwonted a spirit, which neither
desired the friendship, nor feared the enmity of one so great and so
mightily renowned for innumerable means of doing good or evil. And the
very judge, whose councillor Alypius was, although also unwilling
it should be, yet did not openly refuse, but put the matter off upon
Alypius, alleging that he would not allow him to do it: for in truth had
the judge done it, Alypius would have decided otherwise. With this one
thing in the way of learning was he well-nigh seduced, that he might
have books copied for him at Praetorian prices, but consulting justice,
he altered his deliberation for the better; esteeming equity whereby he
was hindered more gainful than the power whereby he were allowed. These
are slight things, but he that is faithful in little, is faithful also
in much. Nor can that any how be void, which proceeded out of the mouth
of Thy Truth: If ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous Mammon,
who will commit to your trust true riches? And if ye have not been
faithful in that which is another man's, who shall give you that which
is your own? He being such, did at that time cleave to me, and with me
wavered in purpose, what course of life was to be taken.
Nebridius also, who having left his native country near Carthage, yea
and Carthage itself, where he had much lived, leaving his excellent
family-estate and house, and a mother behind, who was not to follow him,
had come to Milan, for no other reason but that with me he might live in
a most ardent search after truth and wisdom. Like me he sighed, like
me he wavered, an ardent searcher after true life, and a most acute
examiner of the most difficult questions. Thus were there the mouths
of three indigent persons, sighing out their wants one to another, and
waiting upon Thee that Thou mightest give them their meat in due season.
And in all the bitterness which by Thy mercy followed our worldly
affairs, as we looked towards the end, why we should suffer all this,
darkness met us; and we turned away groaning, and saying, How long shall
these things be? This too we often said; and so saying forsook them not,
for as yet there dawned nothing certain, which these forsaken, we might
embrace.
And I, viewing and reviewing things, most wondered at the length of time
from that my nineteenth year, wherein I had begun to kindle with the
desire of wisdom, settling when I had found her, to abandon all the
empty hopes and lying frenzies of vain desires. And lo, I was now in
my thirtieth year, sticking in the same mire, greedy of enjoying things
present, which passed away and wasted my soul; while I said to myself,
"Tomorrow I shall find it; it will appear manifestly and I shall grasp
it; lo, Faustus the Manichee will come, and clear every thing! O you
great men, ye Academicians, it is true then, that no certainty can
be attained for the ordering of life! Nay, let us search the more
diligently, and despair not. Lo, things in the ecclesiastical books
are not absurd to us now, which sometimes seemed absurd, and may be
otherwise taken, and in a good sense. I will take my stand, where, as
a child, my parents placed me, until the clear truth be found out. But
where shall it be sought or when? Ambrose has no leisure; we have no
leisure to read; where shall we find even the books? Whence, or when
procure them? from whom borrow them? Let set times be appointed, and
certain hours be ordered for the health of our soul. Great hope has
dawned; the Catholic Faith teaches not what we thought, and vainly
accused it of; her instructed members hold it profane to believe God to
be bounded by the figure of a human body: and do we doubt to 'knock,'
that the rest 'may be opened'? The forenoons our scholars take up; what
do we during the rest? Why not this? But when then pay we court to our
great friends, whose favour we need? When compose what we may sell
to scholars? When refresh ourselves, unbending our minds from this
intenseness of care?
"Perish every thing, dismiss we these empty vanities, and betake
ourselves to the one search for truth! Life is vain, death uncertain; if
it steals upon us on a sudden, in what state shall we depart hence?
and where shall we learn what here we have neglected? and shall we not
rather suffer the punishment of this negligence? What, if death itself
cut off and end all care and feeling? Then must this be ascertained.
But God forbid this! It is no vain and empty thing, that the excellent
dignity of the authority of the Christian Faith hath overspread the
whole world. Never would such and so great things be by God wrought for
us, if with the death of the body the life of the soul came to an end.
Wherefore delay then to abandon worldly hopes, and give ourselves wholly
to seek after God and the blessed life? But wait! Even those things are
pleasant; they have some, and no small sweetness. We must not lightly
abandon them, for it were a shame to return again to them. See, it is
no great matter now to obtain some station, and then what should we more
wish for?