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- confessions
- text
- throughout other parts of the world following herein.
Then didst Thou by a vision discover to Thy forenamed Bishop where the
bodies of Gervasius and Protasius the martyrs lay hid (whom Thou hadst
in Thy secret treasury stored uncorrupted so many years), whence Thou
mightest seasonably produce them to repress the fury of a woman, but an
Empress. For when they were discovered and dug up, and with due honour
translated to the Ambrosian Basilica, not only they who were vexed with
unclean spirits (the devils confessing themselves) were cured, but a
certain man who had for many years been blind, a citizen, and well known
to the city, asking and hearing the reason of the people's confused joy,
sprang forth desiring his guide to lead him thither. Led thither, he
begged to be allowed to touch with his handkerchief the bier of Thy
saints, whose death is precious in Thy sight. Which when he had done,
and put to his eyes, they were forthwith opened. Thence did the fame
spread, thence Thy praises glowed, shone; thence the mind of that enemy,
though not turned to the soundness of believing, was yet turned back
from her fury of persecuting. Thanks to Thee, O my God. Whence and
whither hast Thou thus led my remembrance, that I should confess these
things also unto Thee? which great though they be, I had passed by in
forgetfulness. And yet then, when the odour of Thy ointments was so
fragrant, did we not run after Thee. Therefore did I more weep among
the singing of Thy Hymns, formerly sighing after Thee, and at length
breathing in Thee, as far as the breath may enter into this our house of
grass.
Thou that makest men to dwell of one mind in one house, didst join with
us Euodius also, a young man of our own city. Who being an officer of
Court, was before us converted to Thee and baptised: and quitting his
secular warfare, girded himself to Thine. We were together, about to
dwell together in our devout purpose. We sought where we might serve
Thee most usefully, and were together returning to Africa: whitherward
being as far as Ostia, my mother departed this life. Much I omit, as
hastening much. Receive my confessions and thanksgivings, O my God, for
innumerable things whereof I am silent. But I will not omit whatsoever
my soul would bring forth concerning that Thy handmaid, who brought me
forth, both in the flesh, that I might be born to this temporal light,
and in heart, that I might be born to Light eternal. Not her gifts, but
Thine in her, would I speak of; for neither did she make nor educate
herself. Thou createdst her; nor did her father and mother know what a
one should come from them. And the sceptre of Thy Christ, the discipline
of Thine only Son, in a Christian house, a good member of Thy Church,
educated her in Thy fear. Yet for her good discipline was she wont
to commend not so much her mother's diligence, as that of a certain
decrepit maid-servant, who had carried her father when a child, as
little ones used to be carried at the backs of elder girls. For which
reason, and for her great age, and excellent conversation, was she,
in that Christian family, well respected by its heads. Whence also the
charge of her master's daughters was entrusted to her, to which she gave
diligent heed, restraining them earnestly, when necessary, with a holy
severity, and teaching them with a grave discretion. For, except at
those hours wherein they were most temporately fed at their parents'
table, she would not suffer them, though parched with thirst, to drink
even water; preventing an evil custom, and adding this wholesome advice:
"Ye drink water now, because you have not wine in your power; but when
you come to be married, and be made mistresses of cellars and cupboards,
you will scorn water, but the custom of drinking will abide." By this
method of instruction, and the authority she had, she refrained the
greediness of childhood, and moulded their very thirst to such an
excellent moderation that what they should not, that they would not.
And yet (as Thy handmaid told me her son) there had crept upon her
a love of wine. For when (as the manner was) she, as though a sober
maiden, was bidden by her parents to draw wine out of the hogshed,
holding the vessel under the opening, before she poured the wine into
the flagon, she sipped a little with the tip of her lips; for more her
instinctive feelings refused. For this she did, not out of any desire
of drink, but out of the exuberance of youth, whereby it boils over in
mirthful freaks, which in youthful spirits are wont to be kept under by
the gravity of their elders. And thus by adding to that little, daily
littles (for whoso despiseth little things shall fall by little and
little), she had fallen into such a habit as greedily to drink off her
little cup brim-full almost of wine. Where was then that discreet old
woman, and that her earnest countermanding? Would aught avail against
a secret disease, if Thy healing hand, O Lord, watched not over us?
Father, mother, and governors absent, Thou present, who createdst, who
callest, who also by those set over us, workest something towards the
salvation of our souls, what didst Thou then, O my God? how didst Thou
cure her? how heal her? didst Thou not out of another soul bring forth a
hard and a sharp taunt, like a lancet out of Thy secret store, and with
one touch remove all that foul stuff? For a maid-servant with whom she
used to go to the cellar, falling to words (as it happens) with her
little mistress, when alone with her, taunted her with this fault, with
most bitter insult, calling her wine-bibber. With which taunt she, stung
to the quick, saw the foulness of her fault, and instantly condemned and
forsook it. As flattering friends pervert, so reproachful enemies mostly
correct. Yet not what by them Thou doest, but what themselves purposed,
dost Thou repay them. For she in her anger sought to vex her young
mistress, not to amend her; and did it in private, either for that the
time and place of the quarrel so found them; or lest herself also should
have anger, for discovering it thus late. But Thou, Lord, Governor
of all in heaven and earth, who turnest to Thy purposes the deepest
currents, and the ruled turbulence of the tide of times, didst by the
very unhealthiness of one soul heal another; lest any, when he observes
this, should ascribe it to his own power, even when another, whom he
wished to be reformed, is reformed through words of his.
Brought up thus modestly and soberly, and made subject rather by Thee
to her parents, than by her parents to Thee, so soon as she was of
marriageable age, being bestowed upon a husband, she served him as her
lord; and did her diligence to win him unto Thee, preaching Thee unto
him by her conversation; by which Thou ornamentedst her, making her
reverently amiable, and admirable unto her husband. And she so endured
the wronging of her bed as never to have any quarrel with her husband
thereon. For she looked for Thy mercy upon him, that believing in Thee,
he might be made chaste. But besides this, he was fervid, as in his
affections, so in anger: but she had learnt not to resist an angry
husband, not in deed only, but not even in word. Only when he was
smoothed and tranquil, and in a temper to receive it, she would give an
account of her actions, if haply he had overhastily taken offence. In
a word, while many matrons, who had milder husbands, yet bore even in
their faces marks of shame, would in familiar talk blame their husbands'
lives, she would blame their tongues, giving them, as in jest, earnest
advice: "That from the time they heard the marriage writings read to
them, they should account them as indentures, whereby they were
made servants; and so, remembering their condition, ought not to set
themselves up against their lords." And when they, knowing what a
choleric husband she endured, marvelled that it had never