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- confessions
- text
- his sons, but by blessing to know them. Or which Jacob saw, when he
also, blind through great age, with illumined heart, in the persons of
his sons shed light on the different races of the future people, in
them foresignified; and laid his hands, mystically crossed, upon
his grandchildren by Joseph, not as their father by his outward eye
corrected them, but as himself inwardly discerned. This is the light, it
is one, and all are one, who see and love it. But that corporeal light
whereof I spake, it seasoneth the life of this world for her blind
lovers, with an enticing and dangerous sweetness. But they who know how
to praise Thee for it, "O all-creating Lord," take it up in Thy hymns,
and are not taken up with it in their sleep. Such would I be. These
seductions of the eyes I resist, lest my feet wherewith I walk upon Thy
way be ensnared; and I lift up mine invisible eyes to Thee, that Thou
wouldest pluck my feet out of the snare. Thou dost ever and anon pluck
them out, for they are ensnared. Thou ceasest not to pluck them out,
while I often entangle myself in the snares on all sides laid; because
Thou that keepest Israel shalt neither slumber nor sleep.
What innumerable toys, made by divers arts and manufactures, in our
apparel, shoes, utensils and all sorts of works, in pictures also and
divers images, and these far exceeding all necessary and moderate use
and all pious meaning, have men added to tempt their own eyes withal;
outwardly following what themselves make, inwardly forsaking Him by whom
themselves were made, and destroying that which themselves have been
made! But I, my God and my Glory, do hence also sing a hymn to Thee, and
do consecrate praise to Him who consecrateth me, because those beautiful
patterns which through men's souls are conveyed into their cunning
hands, come from that Beauty, which is above our souls, which my soul
day and night sigheth after. But the framers and followers of the
outward beauties derive thence the rule of judging of them, but not of
using them. And He is there, though they perceive Him not, that so they
might not wander, but keep their strength for Thee, and not scatter it
abroad upon pleasurable weariness. And I, though I speak and see this,
entangle my steps with these outward beauties; but Thou pluckest me out,
O Lord, Thou pluckest me out; because Thy loving-kindness is before my
eyes. For I am taken miserably, and Thou pluckest me out mercifully;
sometimes not perceiving it, when I had but lightly lighted upon them;
otherwhiles with pain, because I had stuck fast in them.
To this is added another form of temptation more manifoldly dangerous.
For besides that concupiscence of the flesh which consisteth in the
delight of all senses and pleasures, wherein its slaves, who go far from
Thee, waste and perish, the soul hath, through the same senses of the
body, a certain vain and curious desire, veiled under the title of
knowledge and learning, not of delighting in the flesh, but of making
experiments through the flesh. The seat whereof being in the appetite
of knowledge, and sight being the sense chiefly used for attaining
knowledge, it is in Divine language called The lust of the eyes. For, to
see, belongeth properly to the eyes; yet we use this word of the other
senses also, when we employ them in seeking knowledge. For we do not
say, hark how it flashes, or smell how it glows, or taste how it shines,
or feel how it gleams; for all these are said to be seen. And yet we
say not only, see how it shineth, which the eyes alone can perceive; but
also, see how it soundeth, see how it smelleth, see how it tasteth,
see how hard it is. And so the general experience of the senses, as
was said, is called The lust of the eyes, because the office of seeing,
wherein the eyes hold the prerogative, the other senses by way
of similitude take to themselves, when they make search after any
knowledge.
But by this may more evidently be discerned, wherein pleasure and
wherein curiosity is the object of the senses; for pleasure seeketh
objects beautiful, melodious, fragrant, savoury, soft; but curiosity,
for trial's sake, the contrary as well, not for the sake of suffering
annoyance, but out of the lust of making trial and knowing them. For
what pleasure hath it, to see in a mangled carcase what will make you
shudder? and yet if it be lying near, they flock thither, to be made
sad, and to turn pale. Even in sleep they are afraid to see it. As if
when awake, any one forced them to see it, or any report of its beauty
drew them thither! Thus also in the other senses, which it were long to
go through. From this disease of curiosity are all those strange sights
exhibited in the theatre. Hence men go on to search out the hidden
powers of nature (which is besides our end), which to know profits not,
and wherein men desire nothing but to know. Hence also, if with that
same end of perverted knowledge magical arts be enquired by. Hence also
in religion itself, is God tempted, when signs and wonders are demanded
of Him, not desired for any good end, but merely to make trial of.
In this so vast wilderness, full of snares and dangers, behold many of
them I have cut off, and thrust out of my heart, as Thou hast given me,
O God of my salvation. And yet when dare I say, since so many things of
this kind buzz on all sides about our daily life--when dare I say that
nothing of this sort engages my attention, or causes in me an idle
interest? True, the theatres do not now carry me away, nor care I to
know the courses of the stars, nor did my soul ever consult ghosts
departed; all sacrilegious mysteries I detest. From Thee, O Lord my God,
to whom I owe humble and single-hearted service, by what artifices
and suggestions doth the enemy deal with me to desire some sign! But I
beseech Thee by our King, and by our pure and holy country, Jerusalem,
that as any consenting thereto is far from me, so may it ever be further
and further. But when I pray Thee for the salvation of any, my end and
intention is far different. Thou givest and wilt give me to follow Thee
willingly, doing what Thou wilt.
Notwithstanding, in how many most petty and contemptible things is our
curiosity daily tempted, and how often we give way, who can recount? How
often do we begin as if we were tolerating people telling vain stories,
lest we offend the weak; then by degrees we take interest therein! I go
not now to the circus to see a dog coursing a hare; but in the field,
if passing, that coursing peradventure will distract me even from some
weighty thought, and draw me after it: not that I turn aside the body
of my beast, yet still incline my mind thither. And unless Thou, having
made me see my infirmity didst speedily admonish me either through the
sight itself by some contemplation to rise towards Thee, or altogether
to despise and pass it by, I dully stand fixed therein. What, when
sitting at home, a lizard catching flies, or a spider entangling them
rushing into her nets, oft-times takes my attention? Is the thing
different, because they are but small creatures? I go on from them to
praise Thee the wonderful Creator and Orderer of all, but this does not
first draw my attention. It is one thing to rise quickly, another not
to fall. And of such things is my life full; and my one hope is Thy
wonderful great mercy. For when our heart becomes the receptacle of such
things, and is overcharged with throngs of this abundant vanity, then
are our prayers also thereby often interrupted and distracted, and
whilst in Thy presence we direct the voice of our heart to Thine ears,
this so great concern is broken off by the rushing in of I know not what
idle thoughts.