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- confessions
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- if both be true?" And if there be a third, or a fourth, yea if any other
seeth any other truth in those words, why may not he be believed to
have seen all these, through whom the One God hath tempered the holy
Scriptures to the senses of many, who should see therein things true but
divers? For I certainly (and fearlessly I speak it from my heart), that
were I to indite any thing to have supreme authority, I should prefer
so to write, that whatever truth any could apprehend on those matters,
might be conveyed in my words, rather than set down my own meaning so
clearly as to exclude the rest, which not being false, could not offend
me. I will not therefore, O my God, be so rash, as not to believe, that
Thou vouchsafedst as much to that great man. He without doubt, when he
wrote those words, perceived and thought on what truth soever we have
been able to find, yea and whatsoever we have not been able, nor yet
are, but which may be found in them.
Lastly, O Lord, who art God and not flesh and blood, if man did see
less, could any thing be concealed from Thy good Spirit (who shall lead
me into the land of uprightness), which Thou Thyself by those words wert
about to reveal to readers in times to come, though he through whom
they were spoken, perhaps among many true meanings, thought on some one?
which if so it be, let that which he thought on be of all the highest.
But to us, O Lord, do Thou, either reveal that same, or any other true
one which Thou pleasest; that so, whether Thou discoverest the same to
us, as to that Thy servant, or some other by occasion of those words,
yet Thou mayest feed us, not error deceive us. Behold, O Lord my God,
how much we have written upon a few words, how much I beseech Thee! What
strength of ours, yea what ages would suffice for all Thy books in this
manner? Permit me then in these more briefly to confess unto Thee, and
to choose some one true, certain, and good sense that Thou shalt inspire
me, although many should occur, where many may occur; this being the law
my confession, that if I should say that which Thy minister intended,
that is right and best; for this should I endeavour, which if I should
not attain, yet I should say that, which Thy Truth willed by his words
to tell me, which revealed also unto him, what It willed.
BOOK XIII
I call upon Thee, O my God, my mercy, Who createdst me, and forgottest
not me, forgetting Thee. I call Thee into my soul which, by the longing
Thyself inspirest into her, Thou preparest for Thee. Forsake me not now
calling upon Thee, whom Thou preventedst before I called, and urgedst me
with much variety of repeated calls, that I would hear Thee from afar,
and be converted, and call upon Thee, that calledst after me; for Thou,
Lord, blottedst out all my evil deservings, so as not to repay into my
hands, wherewith I fell from Thee; and Thou hast prevented all my well
deservings, so as to repay the work of Thy hands wherewith Thou madest
me; because before I was, Thou wert; nor was I any thing, to which
Thou mightest grant to be; and yet behold, I am, out of Thy goodness,
preventing all this which Thou hast made me, and whereof Thou hast made
me. For neither hadst Thou need of me, nor am I any such good, as to be
helpful unto Thee, my Lord and God; not in serving Thee, as though Thou
wouldest tire in working; or lest Thy power might be less, if lacking
my service: nor cultivating Thy service, as a land, that must remain
uncultivated, unless I cultivated Thee: but serving and worshipping
Thee, that I might receive a well-being from Thee, from whom it comes,
that I have a being capable of well-being.
For of the fulness of Thy goodness, doth Thy creature subsist, that so
a good, which could no ways profit Thee, nor was of Thee (lest so it
should be equal to Thee), might yet be since it could be made of Thee.
For what did heaven and earth, which Thou madest in the Beginning,
deserve of Thee? Let those spiritual and corporeal natures which Thou
madest in Thy Wisdom, say wherein they deserved of Thee, to depend
thereon (even in that their several inchoate and formless state, whether
spiritual or corporeal, ready to fall away into an immoderate liberty
and far-distant unlikeliness unto Thee;--the spiritual, though without
form, superior to the corporeal though formed, and the corporeal though
without form, better than were it altogether nothing), and so to depend
upon Thy Word, as formless, unless by the same Word they were brought
back to Thy Unity, indued with form and from Thee the One Sovereign
Good were made all very good. How did they deserve of Thee, to be even
without form, since they had not been even this, but from Thee?
How did corporeal matter deserve of Thee, to be even invisible and
without form? seeing it were not even this, but that Thou madest it, and
therefore because it was not, could not deserve of Thee to be made. Or
how could the inchoate spiritual creature deserve of Thee, even to ebb
and flow darksomely like the deep,--unlike Thee, unless it had been
by the same Word turned to that, by Whom it was created, and by Him so
enlightened, become light; though not equally, yet conformably to that
Form which is equal unto Thee? For as in a body, to be, is not one with
being beautiful, else could it not be deformed; so likewise to a created
spirit to live, is not one with living wisely; else should it be wise
unchangeably. But good it is for it always to hold fast to Thee; lest
what light it hath obtained by turning to Thee, it lose by turning
from Thee, and relapse into life resembling the darksome deep. For we
ourselves also, who as to the soul are a spiritual creature, turned away
from Thee our light, were in that life sometimes darkness; and still
labour amidst the relics of our darkness, until in Thy Only One we
become Thy righteousness, like the mountains of God. For we have been
Thy judgments, which are like the great deep.
That which Thou saidst in the beginning of the creation, Let there be
light, and there was light; I do, not unsuitably, understand of the
spiritual creature: because there was already a sort of life, which Thou
mightest illuminate. But as it had no claim on Thee for a life, which
could be enlightened, so neither now that it was, had it any, to be
enlightened. For neither could its formless estate be pleasing unto
Thee, unless it became light, and that not by existing simply, but by
beholding the illuminating light, and cleaving to it; so that, that it
lived, and lived happily, it owes to nothing but Thy grace, being turned
by a better change unto That which cannot be changed into worse or
better; which Thou alone art, because Thou alone simply art; unto
Thee it being not one thing to live, another to live blessedly, seeing
Thyself art Thine own Blessedness.
What then could be wanting unto Thy good, which Thou Thyself art,
although these things had either never been, or remained without form;
which thou madest, not out of any want, but out of the fulness of Thy
goodness, restraining them and converting them to form, not as though
Thy joy were fulfilled by them? For to Thee being perfect, is their
imperfection displeasing, and hence were they perfected by Thee, and
please Thee; not as wert Thou imperfect, and by their perfecting wert
also to be perfected. For Thy good Spirit indeed was borne over the
waters, not borne up by them, as if He rested upon them. For those, on
whom Thy good Spirit is said to rest, He causes to rest in Himself.