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- intended to provide for him in it. As for myself, it is many, many years
since I first began to think of him in a very different manner. The
vicious propensities, the want of principle, which he was careful to
guard from the knowledge of his best friend, could not escape the
observation of a young man of nearly the same age with himself, and who
had opportunities of seeing him in unguarded moments, which Mr. Darcy
could not have. Here again I shall give you pain--to what degree you
only can tell. But whatever may be the sentiments which Mr. Wickham has
created, a suspicion of their nature shall not prevent me from unfolding
his real character. It adds even another motive. My excellent father
died about five years ago; and his attachment to Mr. Wickham was to the
last so steady, that in his will he particularly recommended it to me to
promote his advancement in the best manner that his profession might
allow, and if he took orders, desired that a valuable family living
might be his as soon as it became vacant. There was also a legacy of
one thousand pounds. His own father did not long survive mine; and
within half a year from these events Mr. Wickham wrote to inform me
that, having finally resolved against taking orders, he hoped I should
not think it unreasonable for him to expect some more immediate
pecuniary advantage, in lieu of the preferment, by which he could not be
benefited. He had some intention, he added, of studying the law, and I
must be aware that the interest of one thousand pounds would be a very
insufficient support therein. I rather wished than believed him to be
sincere; but, at any rate, was perfectly ready to accede to his
proposal. I knew that Mr. Wickham ought not to be a clergyman. The
business was therefore soon settled. He resigned all claim to assistance
in the church, were it possible that he could ever be in a situation to
receive it, and accepted in return three thousand pounds. All connection
between us seemed now dissolved. I thought too ill of him to invite him
to Pemberley, or admit his society in town. In town, I believe, he
chiefly lived, but his studying the law was a mere pretence; and being
now free from all restraint, his life was a life of idleness and
dissipation. For about three years I heard little of him; but on the
decease of the incumbent of the living which had been designed for him,
he applied to me again by letter for the presentation. His
circumstances, he assured me, and I had no difficulty in believing it,
were exceedingly bad. He had found the law a most unprofitable study,
and was now absolutely resolved on being ordained, if I would present
him to the living in question--of which he trusted there could be little
doubt, as he was well assured that I had no other person to provide for,
and I could not have forgotten my revered father’s intentions. You will
hardly blame me for refusing to comply with this entreaty, or for
resisting every repetition of it. His resentment was in proportion to
the distress of his circumstances--and he was doubtless as violent in
his abuse of me to others as in his reproaches to myself. After this
period, every appearance of acquaintance was dropped. How he lived, I
know not. But last summer he was again most painfully obtruded on my
notice. I must now mention a circumstance which I would wish to forget
myself, and which no obligation less than the present should induce me
to unfold to any human being. Having said thus much, I feel no doubt of
your secrecy. My sister, who is more than ten years my junior, was left
to the guardianship of my mother’s nephew, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and
myself. About a year ago, she was taken from school, and an
establishment formed for her in London; and last summer she went with
the lady who presided over it to Ramsgate; and thither also went Mr.
Wickham, undoubtedly by design; for there proved to have been a prior
acquaintance between him and Mrs. Younge, in whose character we were
most unhappily deceived; and by her connivance and aid he so far
recommended himself to Georgiana, whose affectionate heart retained a
strong impression of his kindness to her as a child, that she was
persuaded to believe herself in love and to consent to an elopement. She
was then but fifteen, which must be her excuse; and after stating her
imprudence, I am happy to add, that I owed the knowledge of it to
herself. I joined them unexpectedly a day or two before the intended
elopement; and then Georgiana, unable to support the idea of grieving
and offending a brother whom she almost looked up to as a father,
acknowledged the whole to me. You may imagine what I felt and how I
acted. Regard for my sister’s credit and feelings prevented any public
exposure; but I wrote to Mr. Wickham, who left the place immediately,
and Mrs. Younge was of course removed from her charge. Mr. Wickham’s
chief object was unquestionably my sister’s fortune, which is thirty
thousand pounds; but I cannot help supposing that the hope of revenging
himself on me was a strong inducement. His revenge would have been
complete indeed. This, madam, is a faithful narrative of every event in
which we have been concerned together; and if you do not absolutely
reject it as false, you will, I hope, acquit me henceforth of cruelty
towards Mr. Wickham. I know not in what manner, under what form of
falsehood, he has imposed on you; but his success is not perhaps to be
wondered at, ignorant as you previously were of everything concerning
either. Detection could not be in your power, and suspicion certainly
not in your inclination. You may possibly wonder why all this was not
told you last night. But I was not then master enough of myself to know
what could or ought to be revealed. For the truth of everything here
related, I can appeal more particularly to the testimony of Colonel
Fitzwilliam, who, from our near relationship and constant intimacy, and
still more as one of the executors of my father’s will, has been
unavoidably acquainted with every particular of these transactions. If
your abhorrence of _me_ should make _my_ assertions valueless, you
cannot be prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin; and
that there may be the possibility of consulting him, I shall endeavour
to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in the
course of the morning. I will only add, God bless you.
“FITZWILLIAM DARCY.”
[Illustration]
CHAPTER XXXVI.
[Illustration]
Elizabeth, when Mr. Darcy gave her the letter, did not expect it to
contain a renewal of his offers, she had formed no expectation at all of
its contents. But such as they were, it may be well supposed how eagerly
she went through them, and what a contrariety of emotion they excited.
Her feelings as she read were scarcely to be defined. With amazement did
she first understand that he believed any apology to be in his power;
and steadfastly was she persuaded, that he could have no explanation to
give, which a just sense of shame would not conceal. With a strong
prejudice against everything he might say, she began his account of
what had happened at Netherfield. She read with an eagerness which
hardly left her power of comprehension; and from impatience of knowing
what the next sentence might bring, was incapable of attending to the
sense of the one before her eyes. His belief of her sister’s
insensibility she instantly resolved to be false; and his account of the
real, the worst objections to the match, made her too angry to have any
wish of doing him justice. He expressed no regret for what he had done
which satisfied her; his style was not penitent, but haughty. It was all
pride and insolence.
But when this subject was succeeded by his account of Mr.