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# Chapter 20 of *The Catcher in the Rye* ## Overview This entity is [Chapter 20](arke:01KG0725JTBB28D6YDVSDHWHNJ) of *The Catcher in the Rye*, a novel by J.D. Salinger. The chapter is presented as a continuous narrative text extracted from pages 81–84 of the source document, capturing a pivotal and emotionally turbulent night in the life of the protagonist, Holden Caulfield. It is part of the larger digital collection titled [More Classics](arke:01KFXT0KM64XT6K8W52TDEE0YS), which includes canonical literary works. ## Context The chapter is situated within Holden’s journey through New York City after leaving Pencey Prep. Deeply alienated and emotionally fragile, he spends the evening at a bar, drinking heavily and descending into a state of psychological distress. The narrative reflects his deteriorating mental state, marked by fantasies of physical injury, loneliness, and intrusive thoughts about death. References to his late brother Allie and his younger sister Phoebe underscore the emotional weight driving his actions. The chapter builds on earlier themes of innocence, grief, and the phoniness Holden perceives in the adult world. ## Contents The chapter details Holden’s drunken visit to a bar where he becomes infatuated with a new performer, Valencia, and attempts to contact her through the headwaiter. After failing to connect, he calls Sally Hayes in a drunken state, proposing to visit her on Christmas Eve, but she dismisses him. He then retreats into a phone booth, dunks his head in water to sober up, and speaks briefly with the pianist before breaking down in the hat-check room. Leaving the bar, he walks to Central Park to check on the ducks in the lagoon, but drops and breaks the record he had bought for Phoebe. Sitting on a bench, he becomes consumed by morbid thoughts—fearing pneumonia, imagining his own funeral, and reflecting on Allie’s death and the pain of visiting his grave. Overwhelmed by the thought of Phoebe’s grief if he were to die, he decides to return home to see her, despite the risk of being caught. The chapter ends as he begins walking through the cold, empty streets toward his family’s apartment, emotionally raw and isolated.

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Chapter 20 of *The Catcher in the Rye*

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3567 20 3568 I kept sitting there getting drunk and waiting for old Tina and Janine to come out 3569 and do their stuff, but they weren't there. A flitty-looking guy with wavy hair came out 3570 and played the piano, and then this new babe, Valencia, came out and sang. She wasn't 3571 any good, but she was better than old Tina and Janine, and at least she sang good songs. 3572 The piano was right next to the bar where I was sitting and all, and old Valencia was 3573 standing practically right next to me. I sort of gave her the old eye, but she pretended she 3574 didn't even see me. I probably wouldn't have done it, but I was getting drunk as hell. 3575 When she was finished, she beat it out of the room so fast I didn't even get a chance to 3576 invite her to join me for a drink, so I called the headwaiter over. I told him to ask old 3577 Valencia if she'd care to join me for a drink. He said he would, but he probably didn't 3578 even give her my message. People never give your message to anybody. 3579 Boy, I sat at that goddam bar till around one o'clock or so, getting drunk as a 3580 bastard. I could hardly see straight. The one thing I did, though, I was careful as hell not 3581 to get boisterous or anything. I didn't want anybody to notice me or anything or ask how 3582 old I was. But, boy, I could hardly see straight. When I was really drunk, I started that 3583 stupid business with the bullet in my guts again. I was the only guy at the bar with a 3584 bullet in their guts. I kept putting my hand under my jacket, on my stomach and all, to 3585 keep the blood from dripping all over the place. I didn't want anybody to know I was 3586 even wounded. I was concealing the fact that I was a wounded sonuvabitch. Finally what 3587 I felt like, I felt like giving old Jane a buzz and see if she was home yet. So I paid my <!-- [Page 81](arke:01KFYTAC70WTQ9YZT1SX731CGX) --> 3588 check and all. Then I left the bar and went out where the telephones were. I kept keeping 3589 my hand under my jacket to keep the blood from dripping. Boy, was I drunk. 3590 But when I got inside this phone booth, I wasn't much in the mood any more to 3591 give old Jane a buzz. I was too drunk, I guess. So what I did, I gave old Sally Hayes a 3592 buzz. 3593 I had to dial about twenty numbers before I got the right one. Boy, was I blind. 3594 "Hello," I said when somebody answered the goddam phone. I sort of yelled it, I 3595 was so drunk. 3596 "Who is this?" this very cold lady's voice said. 3597 "This is me. Holden Caulfield. Lemme speaka Sally, please." 3598 "Sally's asleep. This is Sally's grandmother. Why are you calling at this hour, 3599 Holden? Do you know what time it is?" 3600 "Yeah. Wanna talka Sally. Very important. Put her on." 3601 "Sally's asleep, young man. Call her tomorrow. Good night." 3602 "Wake 'er up! Wake 'er up, hey. Attaboy." 3603 Then there was a different voice. "Holden, this is me." It was old Sally. "What's 3604 the big idea?" 3605 "Sally? That you?" 3606 "Yes--stop screaming. Are you drunk?" 3607 "Yeah. Listen. Listen, hey. I'll come over Christmas Eve. Okay? Trimma goddarn 3608 tree for ya. Okay? Okay, hey, Sally?" 3609 "Yes. You're drunk. Go to bed now. Where are you? Who's with you?" 3610 "Sally? I'll come over and trimma tree for ya, okay? Okay, hey?" 3611 "Yes. Go to bed now. Where are you? Who's with you?" 3612 "Nobody. Me, myself and I." Boy was I drunk! I was even still holding onto my 3613 guts. "They got me. Rocky's mob got me. You know that? Sally, you know that?" 3614 "I can't hear you. Go to bed now. I have to go. Call me tomorrow." 3615 "Hey, Sally! You want me trimma tree for ya? Ya want me to? Huh?" 3616 "Yes. Good night. Go home and go to bed." 3617 She hung up on me. 3618 "G'night. G'night, Sally baby. Sally sweetheart darling," I said. Can you imagine 3619 how drunk I was? I hung up too, then. I figured she probably just came home from a date. 3620 I pictured her out with the Lunts and all somewhere, and that Andover jerk. All of them 3621 swimming around in a goddam pot of tea and saying sophisticated stuff to each other and 3622 being charming and phony. I wished to God I hadn't even phoned her. When I'm drunk, 3623 I'm a madman. 3624 I stayed in the damn phone booth for quite a while. I kept holding onto the phone, 3625 sort of, so I wouldn't pass out. I wasn't feeling too marvelous, to tell you the truth. 3626 Finally, though, I came out and went in the men's room, staggering around like a moron, 3627 and filled one of the washbowls with cold water. Then I dunked my head in it, right up to 3628 the ears. I didn't even bother to dry it or anything. I just let the sonuvabitch drip. Then I 3629 walked over to this radiator by the window and sat down on it. It was nice and warm. It 3630 felt good because I was shivering like a bastard. It's a funny thing, I always shiver like 3631 hell when I'm drunk. 3632 I didn't have anything else to do, so I kept sitting on the radiator and counting 3633 these little white squares on the floor. I was getting soaked. About a gallon of water was <!-- [Page 82](arke:01KFYTAC9PK6J744AYJKH9Y6AX) --> 3634 dripping down my neck, getting all over my collar and tie and all, but I didn't give a 3635 damn. I was too drunk to give a damn. Then, pretty soon, the guy that played the piano 3636 for old Valencia, this very wavyhaired, flitty-looking guy, came in to comb his golden 3637 locks. We sort of struck up a conversation while he was combing it, except that he wasn't 3638 too goddam friendly. 3639 "Hey. You gonna see that Valencia babe when you go back in the bar?" I asked 3640 him. 3641 "It's highly probable," he said. Witty bastard. All I ever meet is witty bastards. 3642 "Listen. Give her my compliments. Ask her if that goddam waiter gave her my 3643 message, willya?" 3644 "Why don't you go home, Mac? How old are you, anyway?" 3645 "Eighty-six. Listen. Give her my compliments. Okay?" 3646 "Why don't you go home, Mac?" 3647 "Not me. Boy, you can play that goddam piano." I told him. I was just flattering 3648 him. He played the piano stinking, if you want to know the truth. "You oughta go on the 3649 radio," I said. "Handsome chap like you. All those goddam golden locks. Ya need a 3650 manager?" 3651 "Go home, Mac, like a good guy. Go home and hit the sack." 3652 "No home to go to. No kidding--you need a manager?" 3653 He didn't answer me. He just went out. He was all through combing his hair and 3654 patting it and all, so he left. Like Stradlater. All these handsome guys are the same. When 3655 they're done combing their goddam hair, they beat it on you. 3656 When I finally got down off the radiator and went out to the hat-check room, I 3657 was crying and all. I don't know why, but I was. I guess it was because I was feeling so 3658 damn depressed and lonesome. Then, when I went out to the checkroom, I couldn't find 3659 my goddam check. The hat-check girl was very nice about it, though. She gave me my 3660 coat anyway. And my "Little Shirley Beans" record--I still had it with me and all. I gave 3661 her a buck for being so nice, but she wouldn't take it. She kept telling me to go home and 3662 go to bed. I sort of tried to make a date with her for when she got through working, but 3663 she wouldn't do it. She said she was old enough to be my mother and all. I showed her 3664 my goddam gray hair and told her I was forty-two--I was only horsing around, naturally. 3665 She was nice, though. I showed her my goddam red hunting hat, and she liked it. She 3666 made me put it on before I went out, because my hair was still pretty wet. She was all 3667 right. 3668 I didn't feel too drunk any more when I went outside, but it was getting very cold 3669 out again, and my teeth started chattering like hell. I couldn't make them stop. I walked 3670 over to Madison Avenue and started to wait around for a bus because I didn't have hardly 3671 any money left and I had to start economizing on cabs and all. But I didn't feel like 3672 getting on a damn bus. And besides, I didn't even know where I was supposed to go. So 3673 what I did, I started walking over to the park. I figured I'd go by that little lake and see 3674 what the hell the ducks were doing, see if they were around or not, I still didn't know if 3675 they were around or not. It wasn't far over to the park, and I didn't have anyplace else 3676 special to go to--I didn't even know where I was going to sleep yet--so I went. I wasn't 3677 tired or anything. I just felt blue as hell. 3678 Then something terrible happened just as I got in the park. I dropped old Phoebe's 3679 record. It broke-into about fifty pieces. It was in a big envelope and all, but it broke <!-- [Page 83](arke:01KFYTAC71XQY7VW7F3PPJ5CS9) --> 3680 anyway. I damn near cried, it made me feel so terrible, but all I did was, I took the pieces 3681 out of the envelope and put them in my coat pocket. They weren't any good for anything, 3682 but I didn't feel like just throwing them away. Then I went in the park. Boy, was it dark. 3683 I've lived in New York all my life, and I know Central Park like the back of my 3684 hand, because I used to roller-skate there all the time and ride my bike when I was a kid, 3685 but I had the most terrific trouble finding that lagoon that night. I knew right where it 3686 was--it was right near Central Park South and all--but I still couldn't find it. I must've 3687 been drunker than I thought. I kept walking and walking, and it kept getting darker and 3688 darker and spookier and spookier. I didn't see one person the whole time I was in the 3689 park. I'm just as glad. I probably would've jumped about a mile if I had. Then, finally, I 3690 found it. What it was, it was partly frozen and partly not frozen. But I didn't see any 3691 ducks around. I walked all around the whole damn lake--I damn near fell in once, in fact- 3692 -but I didn't see a single duck. I thought maybe if there were any around, they might be 3693 asleep or something near the edge of the water, near the grass and all. That's how I nearly 3694 fell in. But I couldn't find any. 3695 Finally I sat down on this bench, where it wasn't so goddam dark. Boy, I was still 3696 shivering like a bastard, and the back of my hair, even though I had my hunting hat on, 3697 was sort of full of little hunks of ice. That worried me. I thought probably I'd get 3698 pneumonia and die. I started picturing millions of jerks coming to my funeral and all. My 3699 grandfather from Detroit, that keeps calling out the numbers of the streets when you ride 3700 on a goddam bus with him, and my aunts--I have about fifty aunts--and all my lousy 3701 cousins. What a mob'd be there. They all came when Allie died, the whole goddam stupid 3702 bunch of them. I have this one stupid aunt with halitosis that kept saying how peaceful he 3703 looked lying there, D.B. told me. I wasn't there. I was still in the hospital. I had to go to 3704 the hospital and all after I hurt my hand. Anyway, I kept worrying that I was getting 3705 pneumonia, with all those hunks of ice in my hair, and that I was going to die. I felt sorry 3706 as hell for my mother and father. Especially my mother, because she still isn't over my 3707 brother Allie yet. I kept picturing her not knowing what to do with all my suits and 3708 athletic equipment and all. The only good thing, I knew she wouldn't let old Phoebe come 3709 to my goddam funeral because she was only a little kid. That was the only good part. 3710 Then I thought about the whole bunch of them sticking me in a goddam cemetery and all, 3711 with my name on this tombstone and all. Surrounded by dead guys. Boy, when you're 3712 dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to 3713 just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam 3714 cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and 3715 all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody. 3716 When the weather's nice, my parents go out quite frequently and stick a bunch of 3717 flowers on old Allie's grave. I went with them a couple of times, but I cut it out. In the 3718 first place, I certainly don't enjoy seeing him in that crazy cemetery. Surrounded by dead 3719 guys and tombstones and all. It wasn't too bad when the sun was out, but twice--twice-- 3720 we were there when it started to rain. It was awful. It rained on his lousy tombstone, and 3721 it rained on the grass on his stomach. It rained all over the place. All the visitors that were 3722 visiting the cemetery started running like hell over to their cars. That's what nearly drove 3723 me crazy. All the visitors could get in their cars and turn on their radios and all and then 3724 go someplace nice for dinner--everybody except Allie. I couldn't stand it. I know it's only 3725 his body and all that's in the cemetery, and his soul's in Heaven and all that crap, but I <!-- [Page 84](arke:01KFYTAC8XS99P91RQE2TNCRN6) --> 3726 couldn't stand it anyway. I just wish he wasn't there. You didn't know him. If you'd 3727 known him, you'd know what I mean. It's not too bad when the sun's out, but the sun only 3728 comes out when it feels like coming out. 3729 After a while, just to get my mind off getting pneumonia and all, I took out my 3730 dough and tried to count it in the lousy light from the street lamp. All I had was three 3731 singles and five quarters and a nickel left--boy, I spent a fortune since I left Pencey. Then 3732 what I did, I went down near the lagoon and I sort of skipped the quarters and the nickel 3733 across it, where it wasn't frozen. I don't know why I did it, but I did it. I guess I thought 3734 it'd take my mind off getting pneumonia and dying. It didn't, though. 3735 I started thinking how old Phoebe would feel if I got pneumonia and died. It was a 3736 childish way to think, but I couldn't stop myself. She'd feel pretty bad if something like 3737 that happened. She likes me a lot. I mean she's quite fond of me. She really is. Anyway, I 3738 couldn't get that off my mind, so finally what I figured I'd do, I figured I'd better sneak 3739 home and see her, in case I died and all. I had my door key with me and all, and I figured 3740 what I'd do, I'd sneak in the apartment, very quiet and all, and just sort of chew the fat 3741 with her for a while. The only thing that worried me was our front door. It creaks like a 3742 bastard. It's a pretty old apartment house, and the superintendent's a lazy bastard, and 3743 everything creaks and squeaks. I was afraid my parents might hear me sneaking in. But I 3744 decided I'd try it anyhow. 3745 So I got the hell out of the park, and went home. I walked all the way. It wasn't 3746 too far, and I wasn't tired or even drunk any more. It was just very cold and nobody 3747 around anywhere.

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