- char_end
- 192819
- char_start
- 184909
- chunk_index
- 26
- chunk_total
- 89
- estimated_tokens
- 1978
- source_file_key
- confessions
- text
- those idle spectacles are hotly followed) had drawn him into the
madness of the Circus. But while he was miserably tossed therein, and
I, professing rhetoric there, had a public school, as yet he used not my
teaching, by reason of some unkindness risen betwixt his father and me.
I had found then how deadly he doted upon the Circus, and was deeply
grieved that he seemed likely, nay, or had thrown away so great promise:
yet had I no means of advising or with a sort of constraint reclaiming
him, either by the kindness of a friend, or the authority of a master.
For I supposed that he thought of me as did his father; but he was not
such; laying aside then his father's mind in that matter, he began to
greet me, come sometimes into my lecture room, hear a little, and be
gone.
I however had forgotten to deal with him, that he should not, through
a blind and headlong desire of vain pastimes, undo so good a wit. But
Thou, O Lord, who guidest the course of all Thou hast created, hadst
not forgotten him, who was one day to be among Thy children, Priest
and Dispenser of Thy Sacrament; and that his amendment might plainly be
attributed to Thyself, Thou effectedst it through me, unknowingly. For
as one day I sat in my accustomed place, with my scholars before me,
he entered, greeted me, sat down, and applied his mind to what I
then handled. I had by chance a passage in hand, which while I was
explaining, a likeness from the Circensian races occurred to me, as
likely to make what I would convey pleasanter and plainer, seasoned
with biting mockery of those whom that madness had enthralled; God, Thou
knowest that I then thought not of curing Alypius of that infection. But
he took it wholly to himself, and thought that I said it simply for his
sake. And whence another would have taken occasion of offence with me,
that right-minded youth took as a ground of being offended at himself,
and loving me more fervently. For Thou hadst said it long ago, and put
it into Thy book, Rebuke a wise man and he will love Thee. But I had
not rebuked him, but Thou, who employest all, knowing or not knowing, in
that order which Thyself knowest (and that order is just), didst of my
heart and tongue make burning coals, by which to set on fire the
hopeful mind, thus languishing, and so cure it. Let him be silent in Thy
praises, who considers not Thy mercies, which confess unto Thee out of
my inmost soul. For he upon that speech burst out of that pit so deep,
wherein he was wilfully plunged, and was blinded with its wretched
pastimes; and he shook his mind with a strong self-command; whereupon
all the filths of the Circensian pastimes flew off from him, nor came he
again thither. Upon this, he prevailed with his unwilling father that he
might be my scholar. He gave way, and gave in. And Alypius beginning
to be my hearer again, was involved in the same superstition with me,
loving in the Manichees that show of continency which he supposed true
and unfeigned. Whereas it was a senseless and seducing continency,
ensnaring precious souls, unable as yet to reach the depth of virtue,
yet readily beguiled with the surface of what was but a shadowy and
counterfeit virtue.
He, not forsaking that secular course which his parents had charmed him
to pursue, had gone before me to Rome, to study law, and there he was
carried away incredibly with an incredible eagerness after the shows of
gladiators. For being utterly averse to and detesting spectacles, he was
one day by chance met by divers of his acquaintance and fellow-students
coming from dinner, and they with a familiar violence haled him,
vehemently refusing and resisting, into the Amphitheatre, during these
cruel and deadly shows, he thus protesting: "Though you hale my body to
that place, and there set me, can you force me also to turn my mind or
my eyes to those shows? I shall then be absent while present, and
so shall overcome both you and them." They, hearing this, led him on
nevertheless, desirous perchance to try that very thing, whether he
could do as he said. When they were come thither, and had taken their
places as they could, the whole place kindled with that savage pastime.
But he, closing the passage of his eyes, forbade his mind to range
abroad after such evil; and would he had stopped his ears also! For in
the fight, when one fell, a mighty cry of the whole people striking him
strongly, overcome by curiosity, and as if prepared to despise and be
superior to it whatsoever it were, even when seen, he opened his eyes,
and was stricken with a deeper wound in his soul than the other, whom he
desired to behold, was in his body; and he fell more miserably than he
upon whose fall that mighty noise was raised, which entered through his
ears, and unlocked his eyes, to make way for the striking and beating
down of a soul, bold rather than resolute, and the weaker, in that it
had presumed on itself, which ought to have relied on Thee. For so soon
as he saw that blood, he therewith drunk down savageness; nor turned
away, but fixed his eye, drinking in frenzy, unawares, and was delighted
with that guilty fight, and intoxicated with the bloody pastime. Nor was
he now the man he came, but one of the throng he came unto, yea, a true
associate of theirs that brought him thither. Why say more? He beheld,
shouted, kindled, carried thence with him the madness which should goad
him to return not only with them who first drew him thither, but also
before them, yea and to draw in others. Yet thence didst Thou with a
most strong and most merciful hand pluck him, and taughtest him to have
confidence not in himself, but in Thee. But this was after.
But this was already being laid up in his memory to be a medicine
hereafter. So was that also, that when he was yet studying under me at
Carthage, and was thinking over at mid-day in the market-place what he
was to say by heart (as scholars use to practise), Thou sufferedst him
to be apprehended by the officers of the market-place for a thief. For
no other cause, I deem, didst Thou, our God, suffer it, but that he who
was hereafter to prove so great a man, should already begin to learn
that in judging of causes, man was not readily to be condemned by man
out of a rash credulity. For as he was walking up and down by himself
before the judgment-seat, with his note-book and pen, lo, a young man, a
lawyer, the real thief, privily bringing a hatchet, got in, unperceived
by Alypius, as far as the leaden gratings which fence in the
silversmiths' shops, and began to cut away the lead. But the noise of
the hatchet being heard, the silversmiths beneath began to make a stir,
and sent to apprehend whomever they should find. But he, hearing their
voices, ran away, leaving his hatchet, fearing to be taken with it.
Alypius now, who had not seen him enter, was aware of his going, and
saw with what speed he made away. And being desirous to know the matter,
entered the place; where finding the hatchet, he was standing, wondering
and considering it, when behold, those that had been sent, find him
alone with the hatchet in his hand, the noise whereof had startled and
brought them thither. They seize him, hale him away, and gathering the
dwellers in the market-place together, boast of having taken a notorious
thief, and so he was being led away to be taken before the judge.
But thus far was Alypius to be instructed. For forthwith, O Lord, Thou
succouredst his innocency, whereof Thou alone wert witness. For as he
was being led either to prison or to punishment, a certain architect met
them, who had the chief charge of the public buildings. Glad they
were to meet him especially, by whom they were wont to be suspected of
stealing the goods lost out of the market-place, as though to show him at
last by whom these thefts were committed.