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- 241673
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- confessions
- text
- I conceived of all: and with a sounder judgment I apprehended that the
things above were better than these below, but altogether better than
those above by themselves.
There is no soundness in them, whom aught of Thy creation displeaseth:
as neither in me, when much which Thou hast made, displeased me. And
because my soul durst not be displeased at my God, it would fain not
account that Thine, which displeased it. Hence it had gone into the
opinion of two substances, and had no rest, but talked idly. And
returning thence, it had made to itself a God, through infinite measures
of all space; and thought it to be Thee, and placed it in its heart;
and had again become the temple of its own idol, to Thee abominable. But
after Thou hadst soothed my head, unknown to me, and closed mine eyes
that they should not behold vanity, I ceased somewhat of my former self,
and my frenzy was lulled to sleep; and I awoke in Thee, and saw Thee
infinite, but in another way, and this sight was not derived from the
flesh.
And I looked back on other things; and I saw that they owed their being
to Thee; and were all bounded in Thee: but in a different way; not as
being in space; but because Thou containest all things in Thine hand
in Thy Truth; and all things are true so far as they nor is there any
falsehood, unless when that is thought to be, which is not. And I saw
that all things did harmonise, not with their places only, but with
their seasons. And that Thou, who only art Eternal, didst not begin to
work after innumerable spaces of times spent; for that all spaces of
times, both which have passed, and which shall pass, neither go nor
come, but through Thee, working and abiding.
And I perceived and found it nothing strange, that bread which is
pleasant to a healthy palate is loathsome to one distempered: and to
sore eyes light is offensive, which to the sound is delightful. And Thy
righteousness displeaseth the wicked; much more the viper and reptiles,
which Thou hast created good, fitting in with the inferior portions of
Thy Creation, with which the very wicked also fit in; and that the more,
by how much they be unlike Thee; but with the superior creatures, by how
much they become more like to Thee. And I enquired what iniquity was,
and found it to be no substance, but the perversion of the will, turned
aside from Thee, O God, the Supreme, towards these lower things, and
casting out its bowels, and puffed up outwardly.
And I wondered that I now loved Thee, and no phantasm for Thee. And
yet did I not press on to enjoy my God; but was borne up to Thee by Thy
beauty, and soon borne down from Thee by mine own weight, sinking with
sorrow into these inferior things. This weight was carnal custom. Yet
dwelt there with me a remembrance of Thee; nor did I any way doubt that
there was One to whom I might cleave, but that I was not yet such as to
cleave to Thee: for that the body which is corrupted presseth down the
soul, and the earthly tabernacle weigheth down the mind that museth upon
many things. And most certain I was, that Thy invisible works from the
creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things
that are made, even Thy eternal power and Godhead. For examining whence
it was that I admired the beauty of bodies celestial or terrestrial;
and what aided me in judging soundly on things mutable, and pronouncing,
"This ought to be thus, this not"; examining, I say, whence it was that
I so judged, seeing I did so judge, I had found the unchangeable and
true Eternity of Truth above my changeable mind. And thus by degrees
I passed from bodies to the soul, which through the bodily senses
perceives; and thence to its inward faculty, to which the bodily senses
represent things external, whitherto reach the faculties of beasts; and
thence again to the reasoning faculty, to which what is received from
the senses of the body, is referred to be judged. Which finding
itself also to be in me a thing variable, raised itself up to its
own understanding, and drew away my thoughts from the power of habit,
withdrawing itself from those troops of contradictory phantasms; that so
it might find what that light was whereby it was bedewed, when, without
all doubting, it cried out, "That the unchangeable was to be preferred
to the changeable"; whence also it knew That Unchangeable, which, unless
it had in some way known, it had had no sure ground to prefer it to the
changeable. And thus with the flash of one trembling glance it arrived
at THAT WHICH IS. And then I saw Thy invisible things understood by
the things which are made. But I could not fix my gaze thereon; and my
infirmity being struck back, I was thrown again on my wonted habits,
carrying along with me only a loving memory thereof, and a longing for
what I had, as it were, perceived the odour of, but was not yet able to
feed on.
Then I sought a way of obtaining strength sufficient to enjoy Thee; and
found it not, until I embraced that Mediator betwixt God and men, the
Man Christ Jesus, who is over all, God blessed for evermore, calling
unto me, and saying, I am the way, the truth, and the life, and mingling
that food which I was unable to receive, with our flesh. For, the Word
was made flesh, that Thy wisdom, whereby Thou createdst all things,
might provide milk for our infant state. For I did not hold to my Lord
Jesus Christ, I, humbled, to the Humble; nor knew I yet whereto His
infirmity would guide us. For Thy Word, the Eternal Truth, far above the
higher parts of Thy Creation, raises up the subdued unto Itself: but
in this lower world built for Itself a lowly habitation of our clay,
whereby to abase from themselves such as would be subdued, and bring
them over to Himself; allaying their swelling, and fomenting their love;
to the end they might go on no further in self-confidence, but rather
consent to become weak, seeing before their feet the Divinity weak by
taking our coats of skin; and wearied, might cast themselves down upon
It, and It rising, might lift them up.
But I thought otherwise; conceiving only of my Lord Christ as of a man
of excellent wisdom, whom no one could be equalled unto; especially,
for that being wonderfully born of a Virgin, He seemed, in conformity
therewith, through the Divine care for us, to have attained that great
eminence of authority, for an ensample of despising things temporal for
the obtaining of immortality. But what mystery there lay in "The Word
was made flesh," I could not even imagine. Only I had learnt out of what
is delivered to us in writing of Him that He did eat, and drink, sleep,
walk, rejoiced in spirit, was sorrowful, discoursed; that flesh did not
cleave by itself unto Thy Word, but with the human soul and mind. All
know this who know the unchangeableness of Thy Word, which I now knew,
as far as I could, nor did I at all doubt thereof. For, now to move the
limbs of the body by will, now not, now to be moved by some affection,
now not, now to deliver wise sayings through human signs, now to keep
silence, belong to soul and mind subject to variation. And should these
things be falsely written of Him, all the rest also would risk the
charge, nor would there remain in those books any saving faith for
mankind. Since then they were written truly, I acknowledged a perfect
man to be in Christ; not the body of a man only, nor, with the body, a
sensitive soul without a rational, but very man; whom, not only as being
a form of Truth, but for a certain great excellence of human nature and
a more perfect participation of wisdom, I judged to be preferred before
others. But Alypius imagined the Catholics to believe God to be so
clothed with flesh, that besides God and flesh, there was no soul at all
in Christ, and did not think that a human mind was ascribed to Him.