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- silence, belong to soul and mind subject to variation. And should these
things be falsely written of Him, all the rest also would risk the
charge, nor would there remain in those books any saving faith for
mankind. Since then they were written truly, I acknowledged a perfect
man to be in Christ; not the body of a man only, nor, with the body, a
sensitive soul without a rational, but very man; whom, not only as being
a form of Truth, but for a certain great excellence of human nature and
a more perfect participation of wisdom, I judged to be preferred before
others. But Alypius imagined the Catholics to believe God to be so
clothed with flesh, that besides God and flesh, there was no soul at all
in Christ, and did not think that a human mind was ascribed to Him. And
because he was well persuaded that the actions recorded of Him could
only be performed by a vital and a rational creature, he moved the more
slowly towards the Christian Faith. But understanding afterwards that
this was the error of the Apollinarian heretics, he joyed in and was
conformed to the Catholic Faith. But somewhat later, I confess, did I
learn how in that saying, The Word was made flesh, the Catholic truth
is distinguished from the falsehood of Photinus. For the rejection of
heretics makes the tenets of Thy Church and sound doctrine to stand out
more clearly. For there must also be heresies, that the approved may be
made manifest among the weak.
But having then read those books of the Platonists, and thence been
taught to search for incorporeal truth, I saw Thy invisible things,
understood by those things which are made; and though cast back, I
perceived what that was which through the darkness of my mind I was
hindered from contemplating, being assured "That Thou wert, and wert
infinite, and yet not diffused in space, finite or infinite; and that
Thou truly art Who art the same ever, in no part nor motion varying;
and that all other things are from Thee, on this most sure ground alone,
that they are." Of these things I was assured, yet too unsure to enjoy
Thee. I prated as one well skilled; but had I not sought Thy way in
Christ our Saviour, I had proved to be, not skilled, but killed. For now
I had begun to wish to seem wise, being filled with mine own punishment,
yet I did not mourn, but rather scorn, puffed up with knowledge. For
where was that charity building upon the foundation of humility, which
is Christ Jesus? or when should these books teach me it? Upon these, I
believe, Thou therefore willedst that I should fall, before I studied
Thy Scriptures, that it might be imprinted on my memory how I was
affected by them; and that afterwards when my spirits were tamed through
Thy books, and my wounds touched by Thy healing fingers, I might discern
and distinguish between presumption and confession; between those who
saw whither they were to go, yet saw not the way, and the way that
leadeth not to behold only but to dwell in the beatific country. For
had I first been formed in Thy Holy Scriptures, and hadst Thou in the
familiar use of them grown sweet unto me, and had I then fallen upon
those other volumes, they might perhaps have withdrawn me from the solid
ground of piety, or, had I continued in that healthful frame which I had
thence imbibed, I might have thought that it might have been obtained by
the study of those books alone.
Most eagerly then did I seize that venerable writing of Thy Spirit; and
chiefly the Apostle Paul. Whereupon those difficulties vanished away,
wherein he once seemed to me to contradict himself, and the text of his
discourse not to agree with the testimonies of the Law and the Prophets.
And the face of that pure word appeared to me one and the same; and I
learned to rejoice with trembling. So I began; and whatsoever truth
I had read in those other books, I found here amid the praise of Thy
Grace; that whoso sees, may not so glory as if he had not received, not
only what he sees, but also that he sees (for what hath he, which he
hath not received?), and that he may be not only admonished to behold
Thee, who art ever the same, but also healed, to hold Thee; and that he
who cannot see afar off, may yet walk on the way, whereby he may arrive,
and behold, and hold Thee. For, though a man be delighted with the law
of God after the inner man, what shall he do with that other law in his
members which warreth against the law of his mind, and bringeth him
into captivity to the law of sin which is in his members? For, Thou art
righteous, O Lord, but we have sinned and committed iniquity, and have
done wickedly, and Thy hand is grown heavy upon us, and we are justly
delivered over unto that ancient sinner, the king of death; because
he persuaded our will to be like his will whereby he abode not in Thy
truth. What shall wretched man do? who shall deliver him from the body
of his death, but only Thy Grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord, whom
Thou hast begotten co-eternal, and formedst in the beginning of Thy
ways, in whom the prince of this world found nothing worthy of death,
yet killed he Him; and the handwriting, which was contrary to us, was
blotted out? This those writings contain not. Those pages present not
the image of this piety, the tears of confession, Thy sacrifice, a
troubled spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, the salvation of the
people, the Bridal City, the earnest of the Holy Ghost, the Cup of our
Redemption. No man sings there, Shall not my soul be submitted unto God?
for of Him cometh my salvation. For He is my God and my salvation, my
guardian, I shall no more be moved. No one there hears Him call, Come
unto Me, all ye that labour. They scorn to learn of Him, because He is
meek and lowly in heart; for these things hast Thou hid from the wise
and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes. For it is one thing,
from the mountain's shaggy top to see the land of peace, and to find no
way thither; and in vain to essay through ways unpassable, opposed and
beset by fugitives and deserters, under their captain the lion and the
dragon: and another to keep on the way that leads thither, guarded by
the host of the heavenly General; where they spoil not who have deserted
the heavenly army; for they avoid it, as very torment. These things did
wonderfully sink into my bowels, when I read that least of Thy Apostles,
and had meditated upon Thy works, and trembled exceedingly.
BOOK VIII
O my God, let me, with thanksgiving, remember, and confess unto Thee Thy
mercies on me. Let my bones be bedewed with Thy love, and let them say
unto Thee, Who is like unto Thee, O Lord? Thou hast broken my bonds in
sunder, I will offer unto Thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving. And how
Thou hast broken them, I will declare; and all who worship Thee, when
they hear this, shall say, "Blessed be the Lord, in heaven and in earth,
great and wonderful is his name." Thy words had stuck fast in my heart,
and I was hedged round about on all sides by Thee. Of Thy eternal life I
was now certain, though I saw it in a figure and as through a glass. Yet
I had ceased to doubt that there was an incorruptible substance, whence
was all other substance; nor did I now desire to be more certain of
Thee, but more steadfast in Thee. But for my temporal life, all was
wavering, and my heart had to be purged from the old leaven. The Way,
the Saviour Himself, well pleased me, but as yet I shrunk from going
through its straitness. And Thou didst put into my mind, and it seemed
good in my eyes, to go to Simplicianus, who seemed to me a good servant
of Thine; and Thy grace shone in him. I had heard also that from his
very youth he had lived most devoted unto Thee. Now he was grown into
years; and by reason of so great age spent in such zealous following of
Thy ways, he seemed to me likely to have learned much experience; and
so he had.